Tag: reading
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comments feedOpinion: Maybe I Should Write A Book
By Stan Bargmeyer
One time I was telling a story about how I had a hard time removing my mail from the mailbox. The person I was telling the story to said I should write a book about all my adventures. I got to thinking that maybe I should.
The book would be about some of the things I’ve overcome and some of the adversities I’ve faced. Like the mailbox story. That would probably be chapter one. Chapter two would probably be about how I accidentally set my bathroom on fire when I started a fire in my bathtub.
There are a lot of interesting stories and anecdotes that could probably be cobbled together to make a book.
There was that time I stood in line at the grocery store for almost a half hour before I realized the register I was standing at was closed. Or the time I accidentally washed my hands with cooking oil. That could be a whole chapter right there.
I don’t know a whole lot about writing books. I’ve seen some at the store and know they take a lot of words and writing. I don’t know anything about book binding or printing either. Do I stitch the pages together? Or glue them? That might cause some problems.
But I do have a lot of interesting stories to tell. Like that one time when I accidentally swallowed some antifreeze and all my eyebrow hair fell out. Or that one Monday when I went the whole day thinking it was Wednesday.
People seem to love compelling stories like that.
I just don’t know if I would be able to create the artwork for the cover of the book. Most books have nice photos or paintings on them. I’m not very experienced at either thing so I don’t know if I could make it look nice.
I bet people would love my story about how I drove past an over-turned lettuce truck one time. There was lettuce all over the place. It looked like a salad bar exploded. See? I could make little jokes like that in the book too.
The other big problem I see is how much time it will take for me to make a lot of books. My house isn’t very big and I don’t even know where to get all the supplies. There is probably a book-making store somewhere. Hopefully it’s not too far away because I don’t like to drive at night.
Or maybe I just make one book and people pass it around. I’m not sure yet. But I do think I should try to write that book.
Reading Challenge to Empty School
By Thomas Steven John, Coma News Daily Future reporter
Some of our furry four-legged friends act as companions to families, guides to the disabled and aids to police and fire units. But other adorable, cuddly creatures are best left alone.
That is one of the many lessons Coma Elementary School students will learn on Friday when “reading wolverines,” brought to encourage reading, will escape and run rampant through the school.
The coming “weasel-pocalypse” came to this reporter in a sweat-soaked fever dream.
Wolverines are not good pets or good at reading.
The delighted squeals of small children in Mrs. Black’s second grade class will give way to teachers screaming “They’re in the walls, they’re in the walls!” when several of the reading buddies chew through their steel mesh cages.
The frantic and disorganized school-wide evacuation may complicate future reading abilities of the children who struggle with reading and will now associate it with furry vengeance.
But the incident will do nothing to dampen the enthusiasm of leader the Paws to R.A.W. (Reading Assistance Wolverines) program, Natalie Peters.
Hugh Jackman is good at reading but he only pretends to be a wolverine in movies. He also uses a phonetics based teleprompter to help him while he animatedly reads children’s books. Coma schools could not afford Hugh Jackman.
“Wolverines listen to them in a nonjudgmental way,” said Peters, when contacted about the coming events. “It kind of breaks down the emotional barriers and the judgment because when teachers ask them to read they get nervous and uptight. There’s just something magical about a small animal snarling at you that helps build a lifelong love of reading.”
Hugh Jackman was able to write this on paper when he was hanging out in his air conditioned trailer while shooting a movie. He can also read this.
The program was implemented for the first time earlier this year at Coma Elementary. Each child has 20 minutes on Fridays to read one-on-one with the wolverine. The class started out with one of the small predators, a three-year-old Eurasian wolverine named Princess Buttercup. The cage-wrecking escape was likely caused by the addition of a second, eight-year-old North American wolverine, named Puddin-Head.
Town Councilman Jax Owen assured this reporter preventive safety steps would be taken.
“There’s no bag limit on these suckers, right?” Owen’s said.
Local Author’s Latest Book Explores Reading
Coma author Dee Collins celebrated the release of her latest children’s book this week at a book signing at the Coma Post Office. Titled “Boy with Ham Hands Reads Harry Potter,” the book tells the story of Owen as he reads a Harry Potter book over the course of an afternoon.
According to Collins, the book has a message for children of all ages.
“I think a lot of people are afraid to read because it’s sort of this strange, mysterious thing,” the author and founding member of the ‘Coma Players’ said. “I wanted to write a book that demonstrates that reading is actually not very mysterious and anyone can do it.”
In the book, Owen finds himself alone on a rainy afternoon. The young boy tries to watch TV but his ham-hands prevent him from using the remote control. The boy tries to text and use his iPhone but his ham hands impede him from texting or snapchatting. Frustrated, he picks up a Harry Potter book and begins reading it. The final 46 pages of the children’s book show Owen sitting in different positions on his couch reading.
At one point, Owen gets hungry and decides to make a snack. After not being able to find anything suitable, the boy begins to devour his own ham-hands.
Some early reviews posted on the author’s website have been less-than-flattering to Collins’ latest effort. According to a review by Coma resident, Bob Smith-Smith, the book “bleeds misplaced sentimentality for a by-gone era.” Plus, Smith-Smith says, it’s “extremely tedious.”
“There are more than 40 pages that simply states any minor adjustment this kid makes on the couch,” Smith-Smith said in his review. “And don’t even get me started on the macabre nature of him eating his own hands.”
Collins said criticism comes with the territory but she is confident children will take to the book because of the painstaking detail and realism.
“When you finish reading this book you will feel like you spent an entire afternoon on the couch reading a Harry Potter book and eating your own hands,” Collins said. “What could be better than that to teach the love of reading versus using electronic devices?”
“Boy with Ham Hands Reads Harry Potter” goes on sale next Tuesday at Bob’s Grocery store next to the ipod section.
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