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comments feedLocal Writer’s New Book Explores Vampires, Weightlifting
Coma resident and popular children’s author Dee Collins released her latest effort this week at a book signing in Coma.
Titled “I Think This Dude at My Gym is a Vampire But I’m Not Sure,” the 49-page illustrated book follows the story of Bill Ray, an avid and committed gym rat and his pursuit to determine if one of the dudes that works out at his gym is a vampire.
According to Collins, the book is intended to raise questions about assumptions and the author is hopeful it will make children pause and reflect before jumping to conclusions without sufficient facts or evidence to support those conclusions.
ABOVE: Dee Collins’ latest offering focuses on jumping to conclusions. And weightlifting.
Throughout the story, Bill Ray finds clues that support his hypothesis that the dude at his gym might be a vampire. While some of the clues are subtle, like the fact the dude does not have a reflection in the mirror, has long, pointy teeth and generally looks “creepy,” Bill Ray can’t make up his mind for certain about whether the dude truly is a vampire or not.
“People need to not judge others by what they see on the outside or by some series of events that may turn out to be coincidence,” Collins said. “This book frames that concept nicely and children will walk away with a better appreciation for looking beyond the superficial qualities of others.”
In one particularly dramatic part of the story, Bill Ray arrives at the gym early one morning to discover blood smeared across the floor, walls and exercise equipment. He goes to the locker room to find the dude sitting on a bench, his hands and mouth covered in blood. While such evidence would seem to support Bill Ray’s assumption that the dude is a vampire, he reserves further judgement until more evidence is presented.
“Most people would walk through that gym and locker room and be like ‘that guy is definitely a vampire who just killed somebody,’” Collins said. “But Bill Ray is not most people. He’s not going to jump to that conclusion. There may be a perfectly sound explanation for what he saw. He doesn’t have enough information to draw those conclusions.”
While some critics have praised the life-like artwork, others have expressed frustration over the protagonist’s stubbornness to confront reality.
“I mean, in one scene, this Bill Ray guy finds the gym dude sucking the blood out of a lifeless body stuffed inside his locker,” one critic noted. “Come on! That is literally the definition of what a vampire is. How can Bill Ray still not be sure?”
Collins said her latest effort is among her proudest achievements and believes it can help a generation of young people start to see the world in a whole new light.
“I Think This Dude at My Gym is a Vampire” goes on sale next week at bookstores across the country.
Opinion: Maybe I Should Write A Book
By Stan Bargmeyer
One time I was telling a story about how I had a hard time removing my mail from the mailbox. The person I was telling the story to said I should write a book about all my adventures. I got to thinking that maybe I should.
The book would be about some of the things I’ve overcome and some of the adversities I’ve faced. Like the mailbox story. That would probably be chapter one. Chapter two would probably be about how I accidentally set my bathroom on fire when I started a fire in my bathtub.
There are a lot of interesting stories and anecdotes that could probably be cobbled together to make a book.
There was that time I stood in line at the grocery store for almost a half hour before I realized the register I was standing at was closed. Or the time I accidentally washed my hands with cooking oil. That could be a whole chapter right there.
I don’t know a whole lot about writing books. I’ve seen some at the store and know they take a lot of words and writing. I don’t know anything about book binding or printing either. Do I stitch the pages together? Or glue them? That might cause some problems.
But I do have a lot of interesting stories to tell. Like that one time when I accidentally swallowed some antifreeze and all my eyebrow hair fell out. Or that one Monday when I went the whole day thinking it was Wednesday.
People seem to love compelling stories like that.
I just don’t know if I would be able to create the artwork for the cover of the book. Most books have nice photos or paintings on them. I’m not very experienced at either thing so I don’t know if I could make it look nice.
I bet people would love my story about how I drove past an over-turned lettuce truck one time. There was lettuce all over the place. It looked like a salad bar exploded. See? I could make little jokes like that in the book too.
The other big problem I see is how much time it will take for me to make a lot of books. My house isn’t very big and I don’t even know where to get all the supplies. There is probably a book-making store somewhere. Hopefully it’s not too far away because I don’t like to drive at night.
Or maybe I just make one book and people pass it around. I’m not sure yet. But I do think I should try to write that book.
Local Author’s Latest Explores Accidental Monkey Meat Consumption
by Coma News Daily Staff
Coma children’s author Dee Collins’ latest effort is scheduled to hit bookstores next week and the accomplished writer thinks this may be her best offering yet. Titled “Dinah Accidentally Eats A Monkey Hand,” the book tells the story of a young woman’s experience after consuming raw monkey meat during a lunch date.
“I wanted readers to take a journey with me to a world of food-borne illness,” Collins said of her latest work. “I think people will be able to relate because this is something that could happen to anyone.”
Collins wastes little time setting the scene and jumping in to the cautionary tale. By page three, the protagonist is already seated in the restaurant and preparing to enjoy a freshly-made salad. Dinah, however, is preoccupied with friendly convesation and fails to see the severed monkey hand laying on her plate surrounded by an assortment of greens.
After ingesting the adult-monkey hand, Dinah begins to almost immediately feel the effects of food poisoning. The last 14 pages of the book document her transition from healthy and vibrant to violently ill and completely incapacitated.
“My hope is that children will learn to be suspicious of the food that is on their plate, especially salads or even puddings,” Collins said. “It takes less than four minutes to completely inventory the items in a salad and avoid eating something you shouldn’t. That is the lesson in this story.”
While Dinah’s condition continues to deteriorate throughout the book, the tension continues to build as readers are left to wonder whether the 23-year-old economics major will survive her horrific ordeal. While the ending is predictable on some levels, it does ultimately satisfy the reader’s appetite. The same cannot be said for consuming raw monkey meat.
“Dinah Accidentally Eats A Monkey Hand” will be available at local bookstores on August 11.
How To Anything: Become A Brain Surgeon
Coma News Daily intern Stan Bargemeyer teaches you how-to anything as a service of Coma News Daily.
Surgeons make really good money. Did you know that everything you need to do to become a professional surgeon can be done at home? Follow the simple steps below to launch you career as a successful brain surgeon.
1. Assemble the following items; A stethoscope and books.
2. Read a bunch of books about surgery and the human brain and stuff like that. A lot of these books can probably be found at the library or something.
3. That’s pretty much it! Put on your stethoscope and you’re ready to operate on someone’s brain.
Local Author’s Latest Book Explores Reading
Coma author Dee Collins celebrated the release of her latest children’s book this week at a book signing at the Coma Post Office. Titled “Boy with Ham Hands Reads Harry Potter,” the book tells the story of Owen as he reads a Harry Potter book over the course of an afternoon.
According to Collins, the book has a message for children of all ages.
“I think a lot of people are afraid to read because it’s sort of this strange, mysterious thing,” the author and founding member of the ‘Coma Players’ said. “I wanted to write a book that demonstrates that reading is actually not very mysterious and anyone can do it.”
In the book, Owen finds himself alone on a rainy afternoon. The young boy tries to watch TV but his ham-hands prevent him from using the remote control. The boy tries to text and use his iPhone but his ham hands impede him from texting or snapchatting. Frustrated, he picks up a Harry Potter book and begins reading it. The final 46 pages of the children’s book show Owen sitting in different positions on his couch reading.
At one point, Owen gets hungry and decides to make a snack. After not being able to find anything suitable, the boy begins to devour his own ham-hands.
Some early reviews posted on the author’s website have been less-than-flattering to Collins’ latest effort. According to a review by Coma resident, Bob Smith-Smith, the book “bleeds misplaced sentimentality for a by-gone era.” Plus, Smith-Smith says, it’s “extremely tedious.”
“There are more than 40 pages that simply states any minor adjustment this kid makes on the couch,” Smith-Smith said in his review. “And don’t even get me started on the macabre nature of him eating his own hands.”
Collins said criticism comes with the territory but she is confident children will take to the book because of the painstaking detail and realism.
“When you finish reading this book you will feel like you spent an entire afternoon on the couch reading a Harry Potter book and eating your own hands,” Collins said. “What could be better than that to teach the love of reading versus using electronic devices?”
“Boy with Ham Hands Reads Harry Potter” goes on sale next Tuesday at Bob’s Grocery store next to the ipod section.
