Archive for: September 2014

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

[FreecycleComa] TAKEN: left over potato salad‏ from an astrology party

We had leftover potato salad from an astrology party. Very glad to have freecycle way of sharing what we couldn’t eat.  Thanks to the Leo who responded & then came when she said she would, & also thanks to freecycle.  We see very good things happening to the Leo in the future as Saturn is in retrograde while she enjoys the potato salad.

Lobster_For_Leos

 

[FreecycleComa] OFFER: White picket fence pieces

Was hoping to put a fence around my tent in the woods but apparently fences are not allowed when you are squatting on Federal Parkland. The fence is free for whoever wants to take it. Would be good for firewood or for a homeowner who actually owns a home where they are free to install a picket fence. I don’t need this fence for firewood since I live in the woods. Pick up two miles in to Coma woods. Follow the urine smell as I have marked the way with my scent.

 

picketfence

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Want to contact the FreecycleComa moderators?  Write to us at townofcoma (at) gmail.com .
_________________________________________________________________________
Please always use:

– OFFER: old couch– did not sleep with my ex on it (Downtown/courthouse/ in a cell/ on top of a mountain)
– TAKEN: old couch strange stains [to be used to withdraw an OFFER for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the OFFER]

– WANTED: stapler or false teeth [Please use this one sparingly]– Cannot be “wanted mate” or “wanted sex” or “wanted a hot chick”
– RECEIVED: stapler [to be used to withdraw a WANTED for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the WANTED]

NEED, PPU, REOFFER, RE-OFFER, etc., are not acceptable keywords, and nothing other than the keyword should appear before the item description.

Dr. Jimmy 4.0: Man Beyond Upgrades

By Dr. Jimmy, Coma Pysician, Sometimes Raver

This column was going to tell you all how we are increasingly like our digital avatars on any of a number of online destinations: constantly racing to the next upgrade and casting aspersions on any who dare to fall behind in the digital rat race.

 

years

We stopped looking at fashion beyond the 90s because 2000s and 2010s are retreads of all of the old trends. See graph above.

But since my whole point in this space is to let you know I’m going back to basics I’ll just drop all of the Internet-related bullshit.
So lets talk socks. I’m done upgrading mine. If med school taught me anything other than how to score mind-blowing drugs (joking, you DEA turds) it’s that everything in life has a cycle. Our society’s sock dial has moved to black. Dr. Jimmy’s socks are gonna go ahead and stay white. People who are in versions 2.0 or 3.0 of their lives may think I’m a pretty lame dude. But the joke’s actually on people who prioritize such things because I’m actually an early adopter (augh, the Internetspeak has taken over our language) and ahead of the next white sock fashion wave.
Same goes for hair. Do I have a full head of hair? No. Am I going to go all Kojack? Also, no.

A great way to buck fashion trends is to understand that spandex goes with anything and you can never have enough wife beater style shirts.

A great way to buck fashion trends is to understand that spandex goes with anything and you can never have enough wife beater style shirts.

Bucking overwhelming fashion trends takes the icy hot calm of a captain whose ship is in the midst of a maelstrom. While those around you are losing collective frickin’ minds you have to stay calm and maintain a steady course.

You know this storm shall pass and that safe harbor lies just over the horizon in the form of a baggy pair of acid washed jeans.
Until you get there, enjoy the ride.

The Dangerous Book for Moms of Boys

The following excerpt from a blog post by a Coma resident is reproduced by Coma News as a community service.

The Dangerous Book for Moms of Boys
by Sadie Cracker

Then, outside there is some yelling. They are yelling about what a fart smells like in the early autumn air.
There are three of them, small little boys, and I am wholly outnumbered. This was supposed to be a simple playdate.

But I’ve bandaged two knees already and caught them peeing in to the flower pot on my front porch for no real reason other than this is how it is. The dangerous motherhood of boys.

I imagined motherhood would be a beautiful and special experience filled with pink bows and tafetta dresses. And yet when you hold the baby boys in all blue and light and see the small feet there is a love. So the dresses and the girl bonding times no longer matter.

Henry-Thomas-and-E.T.-on-Bicycle
Ben will take a bat to his brother and someone will cry, and it’s not like I’ve taught them to be this way. I don’t pee in bushes, light fires or build race cars out of cardboard.

Then this time fades like so many fall leaves to the winter-white-out of what I don’t see with my preteen boy. Where I’m not wanted around. Where I barely see him. Where I am not his dad. Because I don’t ‘understand’ him–but I could learn! I can try to pee in a bush, light a fire and I can make things with cardboard and I can still bandage a knee.

And I hear them in the backyard, small feet, running through the first dry leaves of fall. My little one and his two buddies. Screaming and jumping up and down. The energy is electric.
And I hear the music of Ca$h Out, ‘She Twerkin’,  filter down from the teenage boy room above me and I know I won’t hear from him until dinner when he needs some food or wants the keys to the car.

“Mommmy, help me.” the Ben yells from the back yard. And so I run to him because I know the season will end.

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

[FreecycleComa] OFFER: compost bin

black plastic with holes, from country farm

makes circular compost bin

can compost fecal matter

include phone #  and height and weight if interested

near coma h.s.

 

[Freecycle Coma] Offer: gamer chairs with pics

Just posted the gamer / play room / kid room chairs – here is couple pics of one black one with a gamer – there are dark spots from me touching with my wet hands- the other chair is  also black and a cat peed on it a couple of time BUT THE CHAIR NO LONGER SMELLS

both chairs come with gamers

IMG_8497-1270x846townofcoma (at) gmail.com

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Want to contact the FreecycleComa moderators?  Write to us at townofcoma (at) gmail.com .
_________________________________________________________________________
Please always use:

– OFFER: old couch– did not sleep with my ex on it (Downtown/courthouse/ in a cell/ on top of a mountain)
– TAKEN: old couch strange stains [to be used to withdraw an OFFER for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the OFFER]

– WANTED: stapler or false teeth [Please use this one sparingly]– Cannot be “wanted mate” or “wanted sex” or “wanted a hot chick”
– RECEIVED: stapler [to be used to withdraw a WANTED for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the WANTED]

NEED, PPU, REOFFER, RE-OFFER, etc., are not acceptable keywords, and nothing other than the keyword should appear before the item description.

An LOL Mystery: Why Are People Better on The Internet?

Editors’ note: The following is a blog excerpt of a local resident presented as a community service of Coma News.
By Marybell Davis, 26 years old, amazing life lived, awesome blogger of awesome things
Daddy Warbucks: Did you solve the mystery of your unemployment?
Me: I didn’t, Daddy but I did sole the mystery of why people are better on the Internet.People usually look great on the Internet, sound funny and say amazing things–like a friend of mine. Jay makes lots of jokes and sounds happy all the time online. In real life he dresses in all black and talks about eating kittens for breakfast.So what happens between when John tweets a funny joke and when I see him later burning bugs with a lighter while smoking (so. gross.)?This detective used some intense surveillance to find out what happens.

You’d be surprised how many people leave their curtains open at night (just because you can’t see out in the darkness doesn’t mean people outside can’t see in).

First, his room is disgusting. Second, Jay spends a lot of time hanging out in his boxers (would get zero likes on Facebook).

When he first gets up he walks to the mirror, flexes, combs his hair, looks at his smartphone, and starts typing. He posts something funny about being a sex god (90 favorites on twitter).Then he slaps himself back and forth on the face multiple times and puts on his dumb all black outfit.
Posts a close up selfie posed in a way you can’t tell he’s only in his underwear along with this, “Tickets must be cheap for the struggle bus today because a lot of people are riding it” (850 favorites on Twitter).
He then posts a pic of a puppy (4k favorites on Twitter and 10k Likes on Facebook).
puppy
He smokes a joint, plays a video game, opens an account on Grindr, and then posts an inspirational quote from a Tibetan spiritual leader (1k likes on Facebook and 25 re-tweets on Twitter).
tibetan
Finally, he leaves his room and I crawl out from his bushes (gross) to go home and shower.

Home Fashion for Less

Some people may just give up and live out of a box–but not your loyal Coma News staff.
We scoured the newsroom for our staff’s latest insights on how Coma residents can stretch every home decor dollar amid the town’s anemic recovery from the latest recession.
Where You At Fashion?
The first rule of home decor–like real estate–is location, location, location. Where to find the best deals is key. And for Thomas Steven John, our future news reporter, that location is local construction sites, where his finds include discarded cinder blocks and 2x4s to build bookshelves.
“The new McMansion subdivision in town is going to be a gold mine of home furnishings,” T.S. John said.
New construction is not old school enough for Stan Bargmeyer, an intern for Coma News.
Coma reporter T.S. John likes to use unconventional and free items to decorate his bedroom in the grouphouse such as this handy chair/tv stand.

Coma reporter T.S. John likes to use unconventional and free items to decorate his bedroom in the grouphouse such as this handy chair/tv stand.

“Saturdays are my dump days,” Bargmeyer said about the Coma landfill. “You just gotta move quick  to snag any furniture before these youngsters toss it down in the pit.”
Another intern, Chase Donovan, leverages his family’s experience with moving to find deals.
“I just cruise the town on the first of every month because people getting evicted leave some amazing stuff just sitting there on the curb,” Donovan said.
Clearly, it pays to shop around.
Up next week: Coma News staff share how they transport, clean and remove infestations from their latest home decor finds.

I am Fed Up With the Lack of Quality Ham Radio Operators in Coma

by Micah Horncraft, President of Coma Futurist Society, Owner of a ‘tiny house’

Us ham radio guys like two things in this world; quality dialogue about ham radio correspondence and early twentieth century technology. I am at my wit’s end with the utter lack of quality ham radio operators in the region and am ready to give up and pursue more “rewarding experiences” such as CB communication in my smart car or rebuilding (and reselling) typewriters for college students and selling them on ebay.

d758cd9a75fd49b80d04929cc621fae3

 

Like most people, I first fell in love with the ham radio as a teenager.  Since that time, it has become clear that more and more young people are picking up smart phones and tablets instead of the ham radio.  This is troubling to me because there is a whole generation who is not going to have the experience of operating a complicated ham radio.  Additionally, they will miss out on the stimulating conversation, joke telling and discussions about frequency changes you just don’t get on popular social media like Twitter.

It used to be I could spend a whole evening discussing things like where a person was transmitting from, what objects were in the room they were transmitting from, what the weather was like in their area or even about what other ham radio operators they had contacted that evening.  It was captivating because it was real.  And it was fun!  Sometimes I’d make stuff up by telling the person I was speaking to that there was a fairly strong wind gust in my area!  And they’d believe it! Of course I would tell them the truth eventually; it was only slightly overcast with a forty-percent chance of rain.  But nobody got hurt and it was understood that sometimes ham radio operators would make up stuff regarding weather.

So I am issuing a challenge to our community’s young people; put down your smart phones and pagers and pick up a ham radio! Start to engage with people on a whole new level.  Experience meaningful conversations about proper radio etiquette, popular styles of receivers and headphones and discussions about hypothetical FCC regulatory matters. Your life will be richer and my nights will be far more interesting.

Panties Stolen, Politician Fingered

By Coma News Staff
Could a political neophyte’s budding career get smothered by piles of stolen underwear?
A growing number of female underwear thefts have been allegedly linked in to Jax Owen, a Coma businessman and candidate for Town Council.
One theft victim, Marybell Davis, a local private detective, said the evidence against Owen was suspicious.
“There was a thank you note saying ‘Thanks for man fuel-signed Jax’ but Jax never writes handwritten notes,” Davis said. “You’re lucky if he sends a birthday card.”

pantythief1

This sign has been put up around Coma by an anonymous member of the community who doesn’t know how to spell ‘stealing’.

Owen has adamantly denied involvement in the thefts and alleged political motives in the theft possibly by his opponent.
“I have no need to leave a note if I remove someone’s panties,” Owen said.
Natalie Peters, a Town Council member seeking re-election this fall, said the allegations have tainted Owen’s campaign with the wiff of both “sad desperation and violence against underwear.”
Members of the public appeared generally bored with the town’s latest political Kerfluffle.
“People want results from their leaders and not underwear as usual.” said Dr. Jimmy, as he lounged in his boxer briefs by the pool at his assisted living facility.
Coma Sheriff Paul T. Fostnib declined to confirm or deny whether Owen was a suspect in the crimes.
“We continue to investigate the panty raider but until he–or she–is caught I suggest Coma females keep their panties on–or locked up,” Frostnib said.