Archive for: June 2014

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

[FreecycleComa] OFFER: Children’s outdoor toys

A variety of Little Tikes-type outdoor toys such as a pickaxe, buzzsaw, fireworks, some lighter fluid. Also, an indoor sink/cupboard and a Ginsu knife set for very young children. All of the items are used and need to be cleaned of bodily fluids but are serviceable.

7daf3a65e

Curb pick up at your convenience: 608 Crabb Avenue.

[FreecycleComa] Taken: plastic containers containing used kitty litter, broken baby gate‏

These were taken. Please stop emailing.

 

training

[FreecycleComa] OFFER: Small grab bag of important things

bookmarks

scrub brush

rubber exercise band

can of soup (generic)

pink nail polish

tape measure

broken champagne flute

 

Take all. Email townofcoma (at) gmail.com

 

 

 

Want to contact the FreecycleComa moderators?  Write to us at townofcoma (at) gmail.com .
_________________________________________________________________________
Please always use:

– OFFER: old couch– did not sleep with my ex on it (Downtown/courthouse/ in a cell/ on top of a mountain)
– TAKEN: old couch strange stains [to be used to withdraw an OFFER for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the OFFER]

– WANTED: stapler or false teeth [Please use this one sparingly]
– RECEIVED: stapler [to be used to withdraw a WANTED for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the WANTED]

NEED, PPU, REOFFER, RE-OFFER, etc., are not acceptable keywords, and nothing other than the keyword should appear before the item description.

 

 

Friends? Coma Mayor Anderson Announces He’s No Rachel

By Coma News Staff

Coma Mayor Dave Anderson announced yesterday he was “deeply saddened” by the recent results of a Facebook personality quiz to determine which “Friends” character he resembled.  The results of the 15-question quiz determined Mayor Anderson is a “Rachel.”

“I don’t know if there are words that reflect my disappointment,” Anderson said.  “I thought Joey for sure and maybe, at worst, Chandler.  Never saw myself as a Rachel.”

According to the quiz summary page, Mayor Anderson is “spoiled, adorable and completely ill-equipped to deal with day-to-day life events.”

dave aniston

According to a recent Facebook quiz, “Which Friends Character Are You?”, Dave Anderson’s personality most resembled Rachel’s.

“I’m trying not to overreact, but to say I haven’t spent the better part of the last 24 hours analyzing and assessing some of my life choices up to this point would be inaccurate,” Anderson said.  “I feel like I don’t even know who I am any more.”

Mayor Anderson did find some small measure of redemption after completing a similar Facebook quiz to determine “which type of pie” he is. His result was lemon meringue.

Coma Artist Sells Collectible World Cup Illustrations

By Coma News Staff

Inspired by the recent soccer match between the United States and Portugal, which resulted in a draw for the Americans, Coma artist and writer, Dee Collins, announced this week she will release a series of collectible illustrations to commemorate the 2014 World Cup.

Entitled “Soccer In A Series of Hand-Drawn Illustrations: Snapshots of the Greatest Moments of the World Cup Soccer Tournament in Brazil in 2014 by Dee Collins, the first piece in the collection will be released today and features American Clint Dempsey celebrating a goal in the match versus Portugal.

usa v portugal

Collins captured the magic from the United States’ recent match against Portugal in this stunning illustration. The series will be available to purchase later this week.

“Photographs fail to capture the essence of the moment,” Collins said.  “An artist’s brush can immortalize a moment like no other medium.”

Collins said prints would be available in full-color 8.5″ x 11″ copies or black and white copies for a reduced price.  While she has not yet set a price for the work, Collins said she hoped to keep it affordable.

“I can’t see these pieces selling for more than eighty or ninety dollars each,” Collins said.  “We’ll see where the demand is on the pre-orders and go from there.  My hope is children young and old will be able to afford one or two in the series and cherish them for a lifetime.”

Collins said that while she is not necessarily a soccer fan, she has watched several highlights of this year’s World Cup and saw photos on popular news websites like CNN and Yahoo.  Additional illustrations in the series will be unveiled weekly until the tournament wraps up in July.

 

 

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

[FreecycleComa] WANTED: Bib overalls

I have to dress up like Bob the Builder tomorrow. Does anybody have a pair of bib overalls, preferably but not necessarily denim, that would fit a plus sized woman? Anything between sizes 18 – 25 could work.

overalls

I could also use a checkered shirt. Checkerboard size checkers would be optimal. :)

I can pick up this afternoon or evening.

Thanks!

townofcoma (at) gmail.com

 

[FreecycleComa] WANTED: tape transcription machine‏

Seeking a standard-sized-tape transcription machine (from the old days) with a foot pedal. Anyone have one gathering dust? I am not a doctor. Just like to transcribe. Nothing elaborate. See below for example.

Electrical Transcription

 

[FreecycleRockville] OFFER: Cordless one-line telephone

If you need a cordless phone, this is for you.  We used it happily for many years until our children just surprised us with a new, small, up-to-date cordless version and its extension. 
daisy-whitney-weapon

This phone works fine. It’s made by Uniden and is in the EXP 7900 series. The telephone section is about 7 inches long. Its base is about 8 ½ inches long.  There is a cable for the telephone jack and a cable to plug into the wall for electric power.  We also have the owner’s manual. Both base and telephone are beige. It could be mounted on a wall or used on a flat surface.

email with pick up time

Harvey the Catman townofcoma (at) gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

Want to contact the FreecycleComa moderators?  Write to us at townofcoma (at) gmail.com .
_________________________________________________________________________
Please always use:

– OFFER: old couch– did not sleep with my ex on it (Downtown/courthouse/ in a cell/ on top of a mountain)
– TAKEN: old couch strange stains [to be used to withdraw an OFFER for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the OFFER]

– WANTED: stapler or false teeth [Please use this one sparingly]
– RECEIVED: stapler [to be used to withdraw a WANTED for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the WANTED]

NEED, PPU, REOFFER, RE-OFFER, etc., are not acceptable keywords, and nothing other than the keyword should appear before the item description.

Healing Hearts One Ball at a Time

By Coma News Staff

When local resident and Coma basketball celebrity Micah Horncraft launched a basketball camp this summer for aspiring superstar students the unexpected happened: Hearts were healed. 
Horncraft launched the camp, Dream Team, less than a year after he went unselected in the 2013 NBA draft.
“I knew it was no sure thing since I had never played team basketball but it was still devastating,” Horncraft said about his NBA experience.
But failing to garner interest from a single NBA team was still enough to propel Horncraft into the ranks of local celebrity, which attracted a capacity inaugural class to his basketball camp for local teens and young adults.
“It’s kind of cool because, you know, he was almost in the NBA, or whatever,” said Chase Donovan, a camp enrollee.
“His drills are really different.”
Horncraft’s camp also has drawn attention for its enrollees’ participation in various activities that appear unrelated to basketball, such as helping him curate his museum.
“It’s amazing that even cut-rate local celebrity turns people into drooling zombies,” said Robert McGuiness, the only middle-aged camp enrollee.
It remains to be seen if any Dream Team graduates will go on to fame and fortune but Horncraft already considers the camp a success.
“Helping kids and that older gentleman has really allowed me to heal from my heartbreaking experience with the NBA,” Horncraft said.
micah the athlete

Horncraft, above, said he  is considering next launching an all-star ultimate fighting academy.

Horncraft, who was not invited to participate in any pre-draft workouts or camps, said a lot of getting drafted has more to do with “who you know” and indicated he would work harder over the next year to develop contacts “in the right circles.”

Queries and Quislings

Queries and Quislings is an advice dispensary offered as a public service of Coma News Daily and the advice is written by Coma News Daily publisher Davis Montgomery III.

 

Dear Query Guy,
Is it normal for my husband to crochet? Recently he’s started crocheting in public and it’s very awkward especially since he’s the Sheriff and supposed to be tough. He’s made some incredible doily’s and he’s working on an afghan but everyone is looking at him. Recently someone threw yarn bombs on our lawn. Not sure what to do. Please help.

avatar

Sincerely, Tied in Knots in Coma

 

Query Guy:

The subtle vagaries that guide men’s selection of leisure time activities are shot through with an almost infinite variety of permutations and depredations. My initial response to your query is to urge extensive reflection on the nature of man and his place in the universe before broaching an extensive exploration of your husbands foibles and proclivities.

But I also recall the frequent and enthusiastic advice of my dearest spouse in such delicate circumstances: Hit it with a hammer. Don’t think about it and don’t wait. Just hit that problem with a hammer and hit it good.
hit it with a hammer front page
If you have any questions about this advice it is only because you have failed to hit it hard enough and often enough with a hammer.

Good luck to you, madam.
QG

Class Teaches Coma The Joy of Garbage

By Coma News Staff

No matter how exciting or terrifying the word “garbage” sounds, Robert McGuiness former Coma News Reporter will challenge your perceptions of it with his new adult education course, Joy of Garbage 101.

 

bob waste removal large ad

 

Described as a “science class for non science-majors,” Joy of Garbage is a “data-driven, research-oriented experience,” McGuiness said.

Among questions students should be able to answer by the end of the course are “What is the difference between ‘garbage’ ,’discard’ and ‘waste’?” For $250 you can learn the difference.

“This is a great idea.” said Mayor Dave Anderson. “To me, the natural progression for Coma citizens after this class would be to pay the town but deliver their own garbage to the Coma Waste Facility without the use of town dump trucks or town employees.”

The class starts promptly at 9:30 on West Walnut Street in Coma.

It is suggested attendees wear comfortable shoes and protective eye wear. No tank tops, flip flops or man-capris allowed.

Tips for Safe Uncoupling

Dr. Jimmy

There’s been a lot of rumors flying around the Internet about how amazing conscious uncoupling is. But it also is potentially dangerous. So Coma residents should follow some basic rules to keep themselves safe during the conscious uncoupling process.
Here are the keys:

1) Put it in park. If it’s not in park when you start uncoupling someone could lose a toe or possibly a life.

2) Drop the load. Unpack whatever you are towing before you uncouple.

3) Move your ass. If you are watching the process, then stay out of the way to keep yourself safe.

4)  Watch the lock block. Ensure your male connector is unlocked and unblocked so that it can jerk free cleanly from the female receiver.

Those are the best way to keep you and your trailer hitch safe during the uncoupling process. So stay safe and happy hitching and unhitching, folks!

trailerhitch2Dr. Jimmy, Coma Physician, Sometimes Raver