By Coma News Daily Staff
A tragedy is just one serious conversation away.
That’s why the Town Council this week banned all serious conversations in cars, trucks or on bicycles on Coma roadways.
“Research has demonstrated that hands-free phones do nothing to reduce distracted driving if the driver is engaged in a serious conversation, so the solution was obvious,” said Councilwoman Natalie Peters.
She expects drivers will have no problem filling their drives instead meaningless prattle or even fart jokes, if they must.
Coma News Daily has learned that the South Dakota ban on “jerking while driving” has also resonated with the Coma Town Council and will be brought up in future meetings as a public safety issue.
Mayor Dave Anderson said the previous hands-free device requirement did nothing to address distracting conversations among the occupants of a vehicle.
“Addressing the death of a loved one, the kids missing, or an escaped serial killer are all serious conversations, and they can all wait,” Anderson said.
The new ban will be promoted through a campaign called “Seriously, Wait.” It followed previous distracted driving bans on pets in vehicles (“Lassie, Stay Home!”), and eating in vehicles (“Drop It, Tubby!”), and
children in vehicles (“Bye, Kids!”).
The lone dissenting Council member, Jax Owen, worried that the ban will place an undue burden on Coma drivers.
“Look, no can avoid being at least momentarily serious,” Owen said. “I’m one of the funniest people I know and even I have a hard time coming up with enough gut-busting musings to fill the time it takes to drive my mom to all her doctors’ appointments.”
Robert McGuiness said he was disappointed in the latest ban.
“How in good conscience are these so-called leaders allowing the defenseless sheep of this town to even get behind the wheel?” McGuiness said in an apparent reference to residents.
He plans to make all of his important calls while unicycling.