The following piece represents the opinion of a citizen of the Town of Coma but does not represent the views of Coma News Daily.
Robert Smith-Smith, former Town Council member
My time in elected office has come to an abrupt end and I have had to unexpectedly open a new chapter in the Book of Bob.
I briefly wondered what I would even call this new stage in my life.
Well, today I have that answer.
For so many years our town’s hardware, beer and grocery stores have been filled with old people looking to communicate with anyone while incidentally operating a cash register.
Successful as this arrangement has been at fostering protracted conversations among senior citizens in the checkout lines throughout the town’s stores, something has been missing.
Sure, you can find out why your fellow senior is purchasing more prunes than usual or which sore appendage is acting up these days. But less and less is known about how our adolescent and young adult residents are faring.
Our town’s seniors have almost limitless numbers of lessons and observations to share with our town’s youth but how can we hope to pin down youngsters long enough to share these insights?
The answer my friend is blowing in the wind (gonna share that with a millenial) at your local grocery store. My establishment, Bob’s Mart, has decided to employ only young people at our checkout counters.
No longer will a cashier at my grocery store talk with you about subjects you already know all about, like bunyons or his hair loss. Instead, cashiers at Bob’s Mart will give you real time spoken updates of their Twitter status about #poop, detail their latest Tinder hook up, snapchat your groceries, or discuss their online gamer rankings. And in exchange you can impart the wisdom of your years. Every last bit of which will be ignored by a millennial whose face stares at the iPhone screen mindlessly updating social media about the kind of socks they are wearing and now Norm-core they are and how their head hurts from trying to drink a mountain dew while doing a handstand.
While you wait to check out.
So enjoy the new Bob’s. I know I will.