Jabba The Hutt Predicts Football Games Week 4
Last Week- 2 – 2
Season- 3 – 5
I’m Jabba The Hutt. You may know me best for my appearance in several Star Wars Movies films. But my friends know me as basically a chilled-out dude who enjoys spending a Sunday in the Fall watching football and eating chicken wings.
People have asked “why no picks last week Jabba the Hutt?” Well, Jabba was “indisposed”. I’d like to leave it at that for now. The only other thing I will add is the federal government should really look into the regulations and codes regarding proper sizing of Chili’s Restaurant’s restrooms, urinals and doors. But I’m not going to say anything else. I’m just glad to be back.
Here are your sure-fire picks of the week…
Oakland Raiders at Baltimore Ravens
Both teams are off to better-than-expected starts this season. Because Baltimore is at home and because west-coast teams seem to struggle with 10 a.m. east coast start times, I’m going with the home team. Joe Flacco is my boy. We once spent a crazy weekend together (along with R2-D2) in Cabo. Flacco can drink!
“Oh but wait! Jabba the Hutt enjoys vacationing in exotic North American resort destinations like regular people?”
Yes, he does! You know why? Cause I’m completely and totally just a regular dude. I’m cool chilling with a box of Cheez-Its and Mountain Dew or going to the beach and eating Cheetos and drinking Sprite. I’m just a normal dude.
BALTIMORE 22 OAKLAND 21
Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers
Here we go. The season is early but already Jabba suspects this game could have playoff implications down the road. Pittsburgh is going to try to bounce back after a poor showing in Philadelphia. But did you know, the Steelers are 47-0 coming off a loss on the road to NFC opponents since 1985? I like the Steelers here. Big game for Big Ben and company.
Who decides how large public restrooms in a Chili’s should be? Is that the health inspector? Civil engineers? The mayor? You’d think they would consider how easy it is to potentially be pinned inside and unable to turn around to the face the door. I mean, don’t you think that would be a natural thing to consider when building it? Like, “Hmmm…let me see…I can walk in, but what if I couldn’t turn around and can’t walk out because I cannot access the door knob?” That could be a problem, don’t you think? It has to happen more than what is reported in the news.
PITTSBURGH 34 KANSAS CITY 24
Dallas Cowboys at San Francisco 49ers
Remember when this game would have been a huge showdown of NFC-title contenders? Me either! Hahaha all over the place. Jabba is not above making witty comments for a few cheap laughs. “What?! Jabba likes to make jokes sometimes and isn’t always serious and only interested in having his hired henchmen track down deadbeat smugglers all over the galaxy?” Yes, douche bag. I do like to make funny remarks sometimes.
I think this game is closer than many expect. I’m going with the home team here although Dallas looked good last week and San Francisco looked terrible. But this is the NFL.
SAN FRANCISCO 26 DALLAS 18
You would think they would build in some emergency supplies in Chili’s bathrooms. Right? How hard would it be to stock a small cabinet with some Doritos, string cheese or even some cottage cheese for crying out loud? One thing I learned from my little ordeal last week is this; an average Hutt can live at least three days and 14 hours stuck in a Chili’s restroom. What I don’t know and am glad I didn’t have to learn is whether a Hutt can survive 3 days and 15 hours. Time for my final pick of the week.
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings
A person could argue that through the first three games of the season, Minnesota has played as well as anyone in the league. They are my early season pick to make it to the Super Bowl. And considering they already have wins over Green Bay and Carolina, tie-breakers for home-field advantage are falling into place nicely for the Vikings. Even after losing their quarterback and pro-bowl running back, the Vikings are rolling right along. They keep rolling in week 4.
MINNESOTA 27 NEW YORK GIANTS 17