Tag: medicine

Support Group For Rare Photogenic Disorder Offers Hope to Many

by Coma News Staff

Micah Horncraft decided enough was enough. After years of having his photo taken and being constantly disappointed in the results, Horncraft thought there had to be a better way. Horncraft deals with a rare condition known as Startled Retentive Photogenic Disorder, or SRPD for short.

Like others who suffer from SRPD, things like selfies and photos at family get togethers can cause anxiety and stress.

“I look incredibly surprised in every photo,” Horncraft said. “I realize my picture is being taken. I am looking at the camera when it happens. And yet, my photos always make me look like I’m totally caught off guard.”

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ABOVE: Horncraft (far right), mingles with other SRPD survivors at a recent support group meeting

Horncraft has started a support group for those who suffer from SRPD. The group recently held their second meeting that attracted more than a dozen participants who shared stories about their experiences in living with this rare condition.

According to local physician, Dr. Jimmy, SRPD can strike at any age, last for many years and cause debilitating side effects.

Some of those side effects include a reluctance to be photographed, some light-to-nonexistent anxiety regarding cameras or smartphones and a “constant” surprise at seeing how startled you look in every photograph.

“There is a saying in the SRPD community,” Dr. Jimmy said. “We may look shocked, but we’re likely just mildly surprised. Treat us like other humans.”

Horncraft, who has battled SRPD for nearly five years, said he decided to start the support group because he was tired of being the “most surprised-looking guy in every photo.”

“There had to be other people that deal with this disorder,” Horncraft said. “I thought it would be good to get together. If you take pictures of us together, it might not look so unusual. Maybe people would think we were just told the world is ending in five minutes or something. You never know.”

Horncraft first began to notice symptoms of SRPD following a family reunion in 2011. As he looked through photographs of the event he realized he appeared somewhat confused or slightly bewildered in every photo.

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ABOVE: Horncraft (far left) first discovered the severity of his condition at a friend’s wedding in 2011

“That’s how it starts,” Dr. Jimmy said. “The early stages of SRPD generally include a confused expression. It looks like the subject doesn’t quite understand the technology or the concept of photography.”

It was in the fall of 2011 that Horncraft’s condition took a dramatic turn. As a member of a friend’s wedding party, Horncraft was repeatedly photographed throughout the day. The wedding photographer pulled him aside at one point and asked him if everything was all right. The photographer then shared many of the photos with Horncraft, who was shocked to see his repeatedly shocked expression.

“I think I’m smiling in the photos,” Horncraft said. “Like, I realize they are taking my picture. I think I’m presenting a normal expression, but I’m not.”

Horncraft said he has learned to live with the condition and has made some improvements. With precise and severe concentration, he can maintain a “mildly confused” look in most photographs. But relapses still occur and Horncraft is hopeful the SRPD support group can help each other living with the rare condition.

“My hope is that by sharing stories and photos of our experiences we can help each other to live normal lives,” Horncraft said. “Ultimately, we just want to be treated like normal people and not be cropped out of every Facebook post.”

The SRPD support group meets every Tuesday at 7 p.m. at the Coma Community Center.

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ABOVE: A group of SRPD survivors gather at a recent support group meeting. Horncraft said he hopes the meetings will offer hope to the many people afflicted with the rare condition

When Should You Seek Treatment After Being Impaled?

By Coma Physician Dr. Jimmy

Recently, a local man was impaled by a shovel and refused to seek immediate medical attention. After speaking at length with him and with many others in the days following the ordeal, I’ve come to realize that most people don’t realize how serious impalement injuries can be.

From my own unscientific poll of neighbors and friends, I found that most would not consider being impaled a “serious injury.” As a medical professional, this was a startling revelation.

Sure, some impaling injuries are less serious than others. And sure, sometimes you get impaled and can probably just brush it off, pull it out and move on with your day. But, many times that is not the case and you should seek immediate medical attention.

As a service to the community, I’ve put together an impaling “cheat sheet” to help identify the degrees of impalement injuries and determine when you should go to a doctor.

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ABOVE: Dr. Jimmy’s guide to impaling injuries is designed to take the guess work out of determining when to seek medical attention

Of course, this chart is not comprehensive. It would be impossible to include every item you could potentially be impaled with. It does represent what I believe are likely the most common objects one could be impaled with, along with representative object (wicker chair, for example, could apply to any type of furniture).

So how do you use this guide? It’s pretty simple. First, let’s say you’ve been impaled by something. You’ll want to identify the object and then refer to the guide above. If you can’t find the exact object, try to find the object that is most similar to the one that is buried deep in your flesh. Next, using the color scale, determine whether “it’s cool” or whether you should “seek immediate attention.”

Should you find yourself somewhere in the middle, my advice is to do a quick Google search and go from there.

I am hopeful that this tool can help you and our community be better prepared for impalement injuries. Be safe and be diligent! When in doubt refer to this simple-to-use chart. Godspeed.



Local Man Not Sure Being Impaled by Shovel Qualifies for Doctor Visit

by Coma News Staff

A local man who was impaled by a shovel told neighbors and friends he was holding off on seeking medical attention because he wasn’t certain the injury was “bad enough” to see a doctor.

The accident occurred on Saturday afternoon as Stan Bargmeyer was “rummaging” through his garage. Bargmeyer said he’s not sure how the accident happened. The widower was looking through an old box of model railroad train cars and next thing he knew, a shovel handle was protruding through his chest.

“It’s just one of those freak accidents that happen,” Bargmeyer said. “I just kind of shook my head, thought ‘not again’ and then passed out for an unknown length of time.”

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ABOVE: Coma resident Stan Bargmeyer was impaled by a shovel last Saturday but is not sure the injury is significant enough to seek medical attention

Bargmeyer was found by neighbors late Saturday afternoon. Upon regaining consciousness, Bargmeyer refused to call 911 and told friends the injury “wasn’t too bad as far as impalings go.”

“I just never know when you’re supposed to go see a doctor,” Bargmeyer said. “I’m definitely in discomfort but…I can still prepare food and use the toilet. So, what constitutes a trip to a doctor?”

According to town physician, Dr. Jimmy, anyone suffering from an impaling should seek immediate medical attention, particularly when the object is as large as a shovel.

“People underestimate impalings,” Dr. Jimmy said. “But they can be very serious injuries. I would rank them right behind being submerged in a corrosive substance and right ahead of being attacked by medium-sized mammals. So, pretty serious stuff.”

Bargmeyer said he was impaled previously nearly 20 years ago by a pike while visiting a early middle-age military museum.

“That one was weird because they were talking about how pikes were used to impale enemy soldiers and not ten minutes later, I found myself on the business-end of one,” Bargmeyer said. “But they took me directly to the hospital, which was nice, because it eliminated the guess work on my part.”

Bargmeyer noted that the bleeding had mostly stopped and while it has limited his ability to shower or lay down in bed, he has been able to manage in most aspects of his daily routine.

“I’m getting by,” Bargmeyer said. “It would just be nice to know, without a doubt, if I should seek medical attention on this one.”



Artifacts: Prospector Head

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Artifacts Doctor’s Note

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Physician To Open Coma’s First Medieval Medical Practice

by Coma News Daily Staff

Citing an “epic quest” to return to medicine’s roots, Coma physician Dr. Jimmy announced this week his plans to open the town’s first medieval medical practice this spring.

“Sometimes the old ways are the best ways,” Dr. Jimmy said. “People are hungry for alternative forms of traditional medicine. My new practice will provide a real alternative while still being soundly based in western medicine practices that go back hundreds of years.”

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The new practice, which Dr. Jimmy said will be called “Thine Leeching Post & Acupuncture,” will feature not only popular medieval medical services, like bloodletting and trepanning, but a full-breadth of long-forgotten procedures and practices to keep patients healthy.

“We’re way beyond simple leeching and drilling holes in people’s heads,” Dr. Jimmy said.  “We will be the first place people think of when they hear popular terms like boar-bile enemas, hot-iron hemorrhoid treatment and medical astrology.”

Dr. Jimmy said the new practice has been in the works for nearly a decade and is the culmination of a life-long dream. The transition from present day western medicine to the sometimes archaic practices of medieval ages was a challenge for the 40-year old physician.

“First, I had to unlearn the vast knowledge I’ve accumulated over the past 12 years,” Dr. Jimmy said. “You’re not going to find a lot of information on corpse medicine, animal dung ointments and wandering wombs at Johns Hopkins, if you know what I mean. It was a difficult process.”


The new medical facility will feature a dungeon-like waiting room with “only the most current and popular golf, fashion and travel magazines,” along with a reception and nurse team bedecked in traditional medieval garments, robes and cloaks.

The biggest challenge Dr. Jimmy faced was from regulators and medical boards, who objected to what many call “unsafe and deadly” practices. Dr. Jimmy, however, said the traditional medical community is worried about nothing.

“Are we going to use urine as an antiseptic?” Dr. Jimmy asked rhetorically. “Yes. Are we going to give patients a brew of hemlock, opium and vinegar as an anesthetics? Yes. Guess what, that’s exactly what they did in the olden days and guess what, again? People are still around. Must not have been that bad.”

The new medical office is scheduled to open April 11 and new patients are encouraged to make appointments as soon as possible.

Local Woman’s Miraculous 15-Month Pregnancy Defies Science

By Coma News Staff

In what is being described as a first-of-its-kind for medical science, Coma resident Cindy Horncraft announced this week she is entering the 15th month of her pregnancy and expects to deliver any day now in her tiny house.

“This has been a very long process and I would appreciate privacy, particularly from the medical community as I approach my delivery date,” Cindy Horncraft said. “While I understand people are curious, I think this is a case where the fewer questions, the better.”

According to her husband, Micah Horncraft, his wife discovered she was pregnant nearly eight months ago. Horncraft said at first it didn’t add up as he and his wife had not had intercourse for nearly six months at that point.

“At first I was like, ‘how can this even be possible?’”, the 33-year old head of the Coma Futurist Society and tiny house owner said. “But then my wife explained that it’s probably what is called a ‘fertility-alignment delay’, or F-A-D.”

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Above- Micah and Cindy Horncraft. According to the couple, Cindy Horncraft has been pregnant for nearly 15 months and suffers from a rare disorder called Fertility Alignment Delay.

Horncraft said he was unable to find any information on fertility-alignment delay but his wife was able to provide ample information that helped put him at ease.

“She said it’s not really understood yet by science but is not uncommon for women who are only children and who sleep on their stomach,” Horncraft said. “She fits on both accounts, so, yeah, it makes sense that she would be more susceptible than other women.”

Horncraft said he was further put at ease after his close friend and neighbor, Jax Owen, confirmed some facts about FAD. Owen, a close family friend, told Horncraft “all kinds of weird stuff happens when a woman gets knocked up.”

“I think what I got with Jax was a lot of straight-talk regarding FAD,” Horncraft said. “That helped because I didn’t know anything about it but he knew a lot. Like, did you know that you can’t get FAD from a hand job? I didn’t either. But Jax knew that.”

According to Horncraft, the couple had not had sexual relations for nearly six months when his wife Cindy discovered she was pregnant.  Horncraft said the lack of sex was a result of his wife suffering from a rare condition she told him about called Prolonged Period Syndrome, or PPS, which extends a woman’s period for up to a year.

Not everyone, however, is convinced of the diagnosis.

Coma physician, Dr. Jimmy, said that while medicine is constantly discovering new ailments and disorders, he has never heard of FAD and questions whether it really exists.

“There are some very basic principles in science and human physiology and it is not possible for something like this to happen to any woman, regardless of her birth order or sleeping habits. Here’s the deal; this woman was inseminated nearly nine months ago. Period.” said Dr. Jimmy.

Horncraft said that while he’s heard from many doubters regarding his wife’s 15-month pregnancy, he has no reason to doubt the claim and is excited about the birth. “We have more room for a baby in the tiny house since my wife and son have moved into a barn they built.”


How To Anything: Become A Brain Surgeon

Coma News Daily intern Stan Bargemeyer teaches you how-to anything as a service of Coma News Daily.

Surgeons make really good money.  Did you know that everything you need to do to become a professional surgeon can be done at home? Follow the simple steps below to launch you career as a successful brain surgeon.

1. Assemble the following items; A stethoscope and books.

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2. Read a bunch of books about surgery and the human brain and stuff like that.  A lot of these books can probably be found at the library or something.

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3. That’s pretty much it! Put on your stethoscope and you’re ready to operate on someone’s brain.