Tag: for sale
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This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.
My Amazing Screenplay
I’m Dee Collins and all I do is pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my ad below and then contact me to buy my screenplay!
THIS IS THE MOVIE THAT YOU WERE BORN TO WATCH! Unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, “No Country for Old Men II: Revenge of the Old Men” is a movie that transcends genre and cannot be defined.
LOGLINE
Javier Bardem’s character from “No Country For Old Men” is still on his quest to kill all the country’s old men. But when he stumbles across a group of crotchety, arthritic geriatrics who won’t go down without a fight, Bardem is pushed to his limits. Will he manage to kill all the old men who live in the country? You’ll have to purchase the screenplay to find out.
“No Country For Old Men 2: Revenge of the Old Men”
Starring Javier Bardem and that guy from “Homeland”
EXT. RETIREMENT HOME- DAY
Javier Bardem is lying on the grass in front of a retirement home. His right arm and both feet have been chopped off. An Old Man using a walker is shuffling toward him.
JAVIER BARDEM
You cut off my feet!
OLD MAN (nameless from Homeland)
Zip your trapper, long hair!
Javier Bardem tries to sit up. He looks around and sees his gun a few feet away. He tries to pull himself closer.
JAVIER BARDEM
You cut off my arm!
OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)
There’s plenty more where that came from Mary.
Javier Bardem continues to pull himself with the only arm he has left toward his gun.
JAVIER BARDEM
I’m trying to reach my gun so I can shoot you.
The Old Man quickens his pace, shuffling his feet as he races toward the gun.
OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)
Oh, no! I better get to that gun first so you can’t use it to shoot me.
JAVIER BARDEM
I better try to get to the gun before you do so you don’t hurt me anymore. It’s like we’re
racing to reach the gun first and whoever wins this race will have a clear advantage over the other person.
OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)
I’m trying really hard to get to that gun but I don’t know if I can move
fast enough to beat you. But you’re right about the person getting there first having a clear advantage.
JAVIER BARDEM
I wonder what’s going to happen? Who do you think will reach the gun first?
OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)
I have no clue. I hope it’s me though.
JAVIER BARDEM
I’m hoping I get there first.
Both men reach the gun at the exact same time!
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That’s all I’m going to share! If you want to buy this screenplay (only 7 million dollars cash or cashier’s check) and find out what happens, get in touch soon! This is an amazing screenplay that tells the story we really wanted to see in the first movie (and were led to believe would happen based on the title of the film).
Buy My Screenplay ‘Moneyball II: Battle For The Universe’
This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.
ADVERTORIAL
My Amazing Screenplay
I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay!
I recently completed a screenplay titled ‘Moneyball II: Battle For The Universe’ and it’s a sequel to the sci-fi hit, ‘Moneyball’. Brad Pitt and that other guy return in this action-packed, sure-fire box office hit.
Below is a short synopsis. If you like it and would like to buy it, please let me know.
If you act now, I’ll also throw in a set of extremely rare, hand-made baseball cards featuring some of the games best players like that player from Baltimore and that guy who plays for the Toronto Blue Jays.
SYNOPSIS
In the not-so-distant future, former Oakland Athletics General Manager, and part-time astronaut, Brad Pitt and his trusty sidekick, INSERT NAME, are sent into space to find a cure for cancer and discover rich minerals on far-off planets. But little do they know there is a war going on that threatens to destroy the entire universe. Our heroes must act fast to stop a ruthless and power-hungry alien race before it’s too late.
The perfect film for people that are interested in disease research, mining, space, baseball, aliens and fun!
Here’s a sample scene:
EXT. DISTANT PLANET- DAY
Brad Pitt and his Co-Star are standing in the middle of a rocky, craggily desert on some planet in the middle of space. Brad is bent over picking up rocks. His Co-Star is doing the same thing. They’re just picking up rocks, looking at them and then tossing them aside. On the horizon, we can see three suns setting. It looks really cool.
BRAD PITT
Did you find a cure for cancer under any of those rocks?
CO-STAR
Nope. But I haven’t checked all of them yet.
BRAD PITT
Well keep looking.
CO-STAR
Okay.
The two men keep picking up rocks and looking at them. In the distance, we see a creepy, scary-looking alien holding a slick little semi-automatic handgun approaching. Our heroes don’t notice. They are too busy looking at the rocks.
BRAD PITT
What about rare minerals? Did you find any rare minerals yet?
CO-STAR
Not yet. I’m still looking for a cure for cancer. Should I be looking for both at the same time?
BRAD PITT
I think so.
CO-STAR
Okay, but that’s going to take twice as long now.
BRAD PITT
Okay.
The alien gets closer and closer until…
That’s all you get for now! Want to read the whole thing? Hit me up on electronic mail.
Dee Collins
townofcoma@hotmail.com
Classified: Want to Sell My Horse Bones in a Burlap Sack OBO
Got a burlap sack with some old horse bones. Will trade for whatever you have. Maybe you have some pepper gum or rocks.
The burlap sack is strong. Hasn’t been used for dragging heavy things around on the ground. I take care of my burlap supplies. The horse bones weren’t mine but I found them under ground when I was doing some digging a few years ago. I had an empty burlap sack so I thought I’d throw the horse bones in it and that’s how it happened.
I would sell them for money if you want. Or we can trade for them. They’re in good shape.
Real fine horse bones.
Contact Lil’ Pete and we can work something out.
Classified: Siamese Cat for Sale
Selling my two-year old Siamese cat. Nothing physically wrong with him. I think he goes through my shit when I’m not home. I find things moved or put in the wrong drawers sometimes.
Pretty sure he sold my Xbox gaming system on eBay last month. I don’t think I can trust him anymore. Like I said, he’s healthy as shit and is still pretty young. You won’t find a better cat unless you don’t like your cat going through your shit and selling your stuff on eBay. I also think he uses my razor.
Contact Dave Anderson if interested.
townofcoma@hotmail.com
Classified: Used Microwave for Sale- Does Not Work
Selling my used microwave. It’s pretty old and technically it does not work anymore. However, if you are only trying to heat something up to room temperature, like corn on the cob, just throw it in this microwave and in a couple of hours, you’ll be good to go.
Would be a great portable, room-temperature microwave for camping trips! Hurry though cause this is going to be a HOT item! (not literally. Again, the microwave doesn’t actually work)
Contact Derrick. I prefer cash (NO PERSONAL CHECKS). Would consider trade. Make me an offer.
townofcoma@hotmail.com
Getting a new puppy. Looking to sell my grandchildren.
We just found out that we will be able to get the Goldendoodle mix we’ve been waiting for for two years. The puppies were just born so we have five weeks to offload our grandchildren. One is a boy. He’s trained to use the toilet and rarely makes a mess unless inebriated. He’s 19 and of breeding age. He has a nice disposition but no actual job skills. The second is a female. She can ride a bike and lift weights. Again we’ve had trouble with job training. She’s currently 22 and can stay on your healthcare plan until she is 26. Please email me if interested. They both will do dishes if you bribe them with money. Let me know if you are interested. The can come as a package or be split up.
Email me: Sady Cracker sadycracker@gmail.com
