Tag: baseball

Buy My Screenplay ‘Moneyball II: Battle For The Universe’

Oct. 20 Classified, Living no comments
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money ball space front page

 

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

ADVERTORIAL

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods.  Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay!

I recently completed a screenplay titled ‘Moneyball II: Battle For The Universe’ and it’s a sequel to the sci-fi hit, ‘Moneyball’.  Brad Pitt and that other guy return in this action-packed, sure-fire box office hit.

Below is a short synopsis.  If you like it and would like to buy it, please let me know.

If you act now, I’ll also throw in a set of extremely rare, hand-made baseball cards featuring some of the games best players like that player from Baltimore and that guy who plays for the Toronto Blue Jays.

SYNOPSIS

In the not-so-distant future, former Oakland Athletics General Manager, and part-time astronaut, Brad Pitt and his trusty sidekick, INSERT NAME, are sent into space to find a cure for cancer and discover rich minerals on far-off planets.  But little do they know there is a war going on that threatens to destroy the entire universe.  Our heroes must act fast to stop a ruthless and power-hungry alien race before it’s too late.  

The perfect film for people that are interested in disease research, mining, space, baseball, aliens and fun!

Here’s a sample scene:

EXT. DISTANT PLANET- DAY

Brad Pitt and his Co-Star are standing in the middle of a rocky, craggily desert on some planet in the middle of space. Brad is bent over picking up rocks.  His Co-Star is doing the same thing.  They’re just picking up rocks, looking at them and then tossing them aside.  On the horizon, we can see three suns setting.  It looks really cool.

                              BRAD PITT

Did you find a cure for cancer under any of those rocks?

                              CO-STAR

Nope.  But I haven’t checked all of them yet.

                              BRAD PITT

Well keep looking.

                              CO-STAR

Okay.

The two men keep picking up rocks and looking at them.  In the distance, we see a creepy, scary-looking alien holding a slick little semi-automatic handgun approaching.  Our heroes don’t notice.  They are too busy looking at the rocks.

                              BRAD PITT

What about rare minerals?  Did you find any rare minerals yet?

                              CO-STAR

Not yet.  I’m still looking for a cure for cancer.  Should I be looking for both at the same time?

                              BRAD PITT

I think so.

                              CO-STAR

Okay, but that’s going to take twice as long now.

                              BRAD PITT

Okay.

The alien gets closer and closer until…

That’s all you get for now!  Want to read the whole thing?  Hit me up on electronic mail.

Dee Collins

townofcoma@hotmail.com

money ball in space

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Local Woman Struggles to Sell Homemade Baseball Card Collection

Jun. 03 Sports no comments
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By Coma News Staff

Coma self proclaimed screenwriter and artist, Dee Collins, revealed this week that despite her best efforts, sales for her homemade baseball card collection have been “meager” at best.  Collins began making the cards in her spare time nearly three years ago to assemble one of the most impressive card collections in the region while generating additional income through sales.

“Whoever said ‘the easiest path to making millions is to create homemade baseball cards’ was full of it,” Collins said.

Collins said she was surprised her hand-crafted cards have not sold considering each card is a “one-of-a-kind collectible”.

bbcard pujols

Above: This rare Albert Pujols card was created by Collins shortly after the all-star first baseman signed with the Angels last year

Collins first sale to Micah Horncraft of Coma fell apart at the last minute.

“None of the cards feature a holographic watermark that changes colors,” Horncraft said.  “I only purchase authentic Fleer or Upper Deck cards because they have higher re-sell values.”

bbcard oakland pitcher

Above: Card for an unidentified Oakland A’s pitcher. Collins said she couldn’t remember who it was supposed to be but thinks it could apply to most of the pitchers on the Athletics’ staff

Collins, who in her mind is an accomplished writer, has completed nearly one-thousand screenplays and said she will likely try to bundle the cards with her screenplays to create additional value.

“I’m working on screenplay sequels to ‘Field of Dreams‘ and ‘The Natural,” Collins said.  “Actually, I’m also working on a sequel to ‘Moneyball‘, which takes place in outer space and a prequel to ‘Eight Men Out.'”

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Fantasy Baseball Team Mounts Dragons this Week

Apr. 15 Sports no comments
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ortiz on dragon 2

 

By Coma News Staff

After a poor start to the season, Coma fantasy baseball manager, Micah Horncraft, announced last night that his all-star lineup would take the field this week atop gold-winged dragons wielding bats crafted from the “finest Cirillian oak from the forest of Eragord.”

“Those who shall dare to pass first base shall suffer the consequences of the old days,” Horncraft said.

Horncraft made the announcement after his team, The Nine Druids of Westhobbin, are in last place two weeks in to the Major League Baseball season.  Horncraft said his team will feature a female warrior named “Ursula the White” and a goblin named “Deadswaug,” who will play shortstop for the fantasy baseball team.

goblin shortstop

Above: Deadswaug, a goblin with a career slugging percentage of .678, according to Horncraft, will play shortstop for Horncraft’s fantasy baseball team this week

Many have questioned the wisdom of inserting fictitious players into a fantasy baseball lineup, however such a move is not unheard of.  Last summer, on his way to a sixth-place finish, Horncraft used a troll named “Hunchmanck” as his starting catcher, saying the 8-foot tall giant would unleash a “scourge on home plate unseen since the days of the Veruvian Wars.”

Horncraft’s opponents said they were not concerned with the announcement.

“I applaud his efforts to put the ‘fantasy’ into fantasy baseball,” avid fantasy baseball player Dr. Jimmy said.  “Considering dragons and goblins aren’t real, don’t play baseball, and don’t generate stats. I don’t see how this could possibly help him win.”

Horncraft was considered benching Los Angeles Angels outfielder Mike Trout in favor of an elvish wizard named “Stoven” but was concerned about the elf’s on-base percentage, which does not exist.

“I’ll track it for another week before making that change,” Horncraft said.  “I hope the dragons will light a fire under everyone’s ass this week.”

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Wolverine’s Losing Season Begins Saturday

Mar. 28 Sports no comments
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By Thomas Steven John, Coma News future beat reporter
The Coma Middle School Wolverines baseball team will lose their season opening game Saturday and it won’t even be close. The 32-2 loss to the Damascus Canal Mules will shock many CMS fans but many will quickly write it off as a one-game fluke.
“No way, dude. ‘Rines rule!” Yelled Chase Donovan, when told of the impending loss.

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Instead of the second game featuring a repeat of last season’s clobbering of the Brownsville Trousers, the Wolverines will lose in a squeaker.
As the season progresses and the losses begin to mount, brief flashes of hope will spark when the schedule reveals particularly troubled opponents.

But the subsequent losses and the lack of a mercy rule in the middle school league will leave some parents questioning the point of it all.
Among the few upsides is that the final games will provide substantial playing time for the team’s benchwarmers following the departures of every talented player.
Marybell Davis expressed surprise  when told her younger brother was going to pitch for the team before the end of the season.
“But he’s their mascot and he’s like seven,” she said.
The season is never ending but will end on Oct. 27th.

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