Tag: movies

Buy My Screenplay: Matt Damon Returns In “The Pretty Good Wall”

May. 12 Classified, Living no comments
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pretty good wall

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

ADVERTORIAL

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods.  Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay!

I’ve just completed my latest screenplay and it is really good! It’s called “The Pretty Good Wall” and it is a sequel to the mega-blockbuster film “The Great Wall” starring Matt Damon.

This movie has everything you want in a movie.  It has Matt Damon. It has a wall. It has EVERYTHING!

Below is a sample of one scene.  If you like it and would like to buy it, please let me know.

I’m offering it at a discount right now for only $400,000 but you better act fast because this deal won’t last. This is going to be a hot property because of the unprecedented success of “The Great Wall.”

LOG LINE

Matt Damon is back at it. After defending the Great Wall of China, Matt finds himself protecting a modest brick wall in the foothills of the Sahara Desert from evil, fire-breathing dragons. Featuring popular actor Jon Hamm and the voice of Academy Award winner Meryl Streep as “Beans the Dragon”, The Pretty Good Wall will raise the bar on movies about walls.

EXT. SAHARA DESERT- DAY

Matt Damon and popular actor Jon Hamm are standing behind a modest, ten-foot long wall in the middle of the desert. Both men look haggard and exhausted. Dirt and blood cover their faces. They stare off in the distance, spears and weapons clutched firmly in their hands.

               JON HAMM

          Man, I love walls.

               MATT DAMON

          Me too, Jon. Me too.

               JON HAMM

          But I HATE dragons, LOL!

Matt Damon laughs and slaps Jon Hamm on the back.

               MATT DAMON

          I was just thinking the same thing. That’s funny Jon. Very funny.

The two men continue to stare off in the distance, scanning the vacant horizon. Jon moves his spear from one hand to the other and shakes out his free hand.

               JON HAMM

          My hand keeps cramping up.

               MATT DAMON

          Yeah. I hate that.

               (beat)

          Man, I love this wall. I mean, I love ALL walls. They are just like the best things in the world. But this one…this one is really awesome.

               JON HAMM

          I’m surprised you haven’t tried to hump it yet, LOL!

Matt Damon bursts into hysterical laughter.

               MATT DAMON

          The day is still young, Jon Hamm! The day is still young!

The two men go silent again and return their gaze to the horizon. Jon Hamm steps forward. His eyes narrow.

              JON HAMM

          Is that a dragon?

Jon Hamm points to somewhere far off in the distance. Matt Damon steps forward and studies the area for a moment.

               MATT DAMON

          No. I think it’s a kite.

Jon Hamm walks forward, his eyes still locked on the horizon.

               JON HAMM

          Oh. Yeah. I think you’re right.

               (beat)

          Fucking kites, man. I mean…what’s the point?

Matt Damon laughs heartily and slaps Jon Hamm on the back.

               MATT DAMON

          So true, Jon Hamm. That is spot on. I was thinking the same thing. That’s definitely laugh-out-loud funny!

The two men continue to stare off in the distance.

——————————————

That’s all you get for now! Remember, The Great Wall is a gigantic, international blockbuster! People will want a sequel. This is that sequel!  Anyhow, contact me!  Let’s make movies!

Contact Dee Collins at townofcoma@hotmail.com

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Rare Hollywood Merchandise Goes on Sale this Weekend

Feb. 24 News no comments
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by Coma New Staff

Just in time for the Academy Awards, local memorabilia collector Dee Collins announced this week she is selling select pieces of her vast collection of extremely rare Hollywood merchandise.

“These are pieces that capture some of the most memorable moments in film making history,” Collins said. “The craftsmanship, quality and nostalgia are impeccable.”

english patient soap dispenser

ABOVE: “The English Patient” hand-soap dispenser features actor Ralph Fiennes as the lovable burn victim.

Among the items Collins is offering is a throw pillow featuring Leonardo DiCaprio as Hugh Glass from the film “The Revenant,” a limited-edition “Benjamin Button” lampshade, an imported hand-soap dispenser featuring Ralph Fiennes as the burn victim from “The English Patient” and a Talented Mr. Ripley’s Chef’s Choice Diamond Hone Electric Knife Sharpener 310 featuring Matt Damon as Tom Ripley.

According to Collins, it is not uncommon for film studios to make limited-runs of merchandise to help promote their films. Collins has spent years building her collection, which also includes a “Howard’s End” toothbrush set, a comforter featuring the cast of “The Insider” and a beer cozy from the film “Milk” featuring Sean Penn as Harvey Milk.

the revenant throw pillow

ABOVE: The intensity of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar-winning performance is captured perfectly in this cozy, soft throw pillow.

Collins said she has spent nearly 15 years assembling her collection and hopes to one day open a museum dedicated to motion pictures and film memorabilia. Part of her motivation for selling select pieces now is to raise money to help make that dream come true.

Talented mr ripley knife sharpener

ABOVE: This electric knife sharpener was part of a limited “The Talented Mr. Ripley” series of knife sharpeners that also included Jude Law and Kate Blanchett.

“I want a place for people to go and be able to see things like a child’s sippy cup featuring the movie poster for ‘Cold Mountain,” Collins said. “I want to create that magical experience for people who love movies as much as I do.”

Collins, who is a noted children’s author and who has scripted more than 400 screenplays, said the sale will run through this weekend to coincide with the Academy Awards ceremony on Sunday. Prices range from $500 to $2,500 for more rare items.

benjamin button lamp shade

ABOVE: Brad Pitt’s famous turn as the adorable Benjamin Button is forever memorialized on this exquisite and stylish lamp shade.

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Buy My Screenplay ‘Batman vs. Aliens’

Oct. 11 Living no comments
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batman vs aliens 2

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

ADVERTORIAL

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods.  Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay!

I have this screenplay called “Batman Fights the Aliens” and it’s about Batman fighting aliens from the popular movie “Aliens”.

This movie has everything you want in a movie.  It has Batman.  It has aliens.  It has action.  It has really cool special effects that will blow your mind like fireworks.

Below is a sample of one scene.  If you like it and would like to buy it, please let me know.

I’m offering it at a discount right now for only $700,000 but you better act fast because this deal won’t last.

LOG LINE

Set in a strange alien world in the heart of New York City, aliens have attacked Earth and have killed every single human being in the world.  But they forgot about Batman!  And he’s not happy.  Batman fights the aliens and tries to save the Earth in this action-packed-action movie.

EXT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE- NIGHT

Batman is walking along the Brooklyn Bridge alone (because everyone in the world is dead) and minding his own business.

Suddenly a bunch of aliens show up and start looking at him. Some of the aliens are carrying bats and guns but Batman doesn’t seem nervous or anything.

                                                 BATMAN

               You guys better leave me alone if you know what’s good for you.

                                                 ALIEN #1

               We’ve killed every human on earth except for you!

                                                 BATMAN

               Why don’t you shut up!

                                                 ALIEN #2

               Why don’t you make us!

                                                 BATMAN

                I don’t make trash, I burn it.  Or recycle.  Sometimes I even re-purpose depending on what it is.

The aliens attack Batman!  What’s going to happen?  Is he going to die?  Not today!  Batman starts kicking their butts.  He kicks them and punches them and then pulls out a knife.

The aliens see the knife and run away.

                                                 BATMAN

                 They should call those guys “lame-iens”.

Batman smiles and keeps walking on the bridge alone in the post alien apocalypse.

 

FADE OUT

——————————————

I also want to point out that the catch-phrase “you should call those guys ‘lame-iens’” is a line that will be repeated throughout the movie.  It would look really cool on t-shirts.  Anyhow, contact me!  Let’s make movies!

Contact Dee Collins at townofcoma@hotmail.com

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Buy My Screenplay: R2-D2 Stars in ‘Ninja City’

Aug. 26 Classified, Living no comments
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This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

Ninja City publish

ADVERTORIAL

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays every day and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods.  Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay! (for just mid to upper 7 figures!!!)

My latest screenplay, titled ‘Ninja City’,  is hot off the press and ready for sale! It only took me 3 hours to write! It’s ‘Star Wars: Episode II’  meets ‘Serpico’ but with ninjas.

R2-D2 is a down-on-his-luck undercover police officer on the mean streets of Boise, Idaho. His job is to take down the city’s ruthless crime lord and his legion of trained, killer assassins. But R2-D2 is not only fighting the crime lord and his assassins, he’s also dealing with a serious drug addiction, faulty wiring, a corrupt Police Captain and a wife (played by Emma Stone) who is threatening to leave him for a younger and much hotter android.

See below for an excerpt of this amazing movie script! If you want to buy, hit me up and let’s do business for only 1.2 million (in cash not cashier’s checks) this screenplay can be yours!!!

EXT. DARK ALLEY- NIGHT

R2-D2 is standing next to a dumpster. There is loud MUSIC coming from a bar nearby. He takes a long drink from a bottle of something strong but doesn’t fall over because he’s a HEAVY ROBOT. EMMA STONE walks out from the bar looking hot and sexy but yet vulnerable.

                              EMMA STONE

R2D2… I mean, Dylan? Where are you?

R2 D2 rolls out from behind the dumpster. He’s wearing a black KISS type wig.

                              R2 D2

I’m right here Emma Stone.

                              EMMA STONE

What are you doing out here? When did you start talking?

Suddenly, a pack of wild-looking NINJAS drop from the sky like raindrop NINJAS, each wielding deadly swords!

                              R2 D2

                             (to Emma Stone)

Look out Emma Stone.

Emma Stone ducks behind the dumpster. R2 D2 takes out a handgun and starts shooting all the ninjas. The NINJAS fall because everyone knows a GUN beats NINJAS. In the process of the shootout, R2 D2’s wig falls off his head.

                              R2 D2

Oh no! My wig fell off my head. My cover is blown!

One of the ninjas looks up from the pool of blood he is lying in.

                              NINJA

Wait…you’re…an…android? You’re not Gene Simmons?

                              R2 D2

That’s right.

                              NINJA

I’m gonna tell.

R2 D2 picks up his wig and places it back on top of his head. He rolls over to the ninja.

                              R2 D2

You’re going to have a hard time telling anybody anything without a face.

R2 D2 shoots the ninjas face off.

CUT TO:

————————

As you can see, this might be my most powerful and intimate script yet! Don’t wait because this is gonna get sold in a hurry! If you’d like to read the entire script or want to buy it straight up from this sample, contact me NOW! 

Dee Collins

townofcoma@hotmail.com

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Buy My Screenplay ‘The Fifth Sense: a Prequel’

Jun. 20 Living no comments
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the fifth sense

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

 

My Amazing Screenplay Just BUY IT

The Fifth Sense: A Prequel to the Popular Thriller ‘The Sixth Sense’

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my classified ad below and then contact me to buy my amazing screenplay for at least $700,000!

Titled, The Fifth Sense: A Prequel to the Popular Thriller ‘The Sixth Sense’, this film tells the story of the boy who sees dead people before he started seeing dead people.

And yes, Bruce Willis returns to reprise his role as the guy who teaches people how to deal with undiscovered senses.

LOGLINE

Before that little kid could see dead people in the popular thriller ‘The Sixth Sense’, he came to terms with another sense; the sense of touch.  With the help of Bruce Willis, the little kid learns how things feel and how to describe textures. 

Can he do it?  You’ll have to purchase this screenplay to find out, but here’s a little hint; YES!

He does because Bruce Willis helps him.

“The Fifth Sense: A Prequel to the Popular Thriller ‘The Sixth Sense’”

Starring Bruce Willis and the little kid from the movie “The Sixth Sense”

INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY

Bruce Willis sits in a chair and stares at the little kid from The Sixth Sense.  The little kid sits on a couch and extends his hand toward a lamp on a nearby coffee table.

LITTLE KID

I don’t feel anything.

 

The little kid waves his arms around in the air and looks panicked.

 

BRUCE WILLIS

You’re not touching anything.  You’re not going to feel something until you physically make contact with it.  You’re swinging at air, kid.

The little kid slowly leans forward until he is close enough to touch the base of the lamp.  He runs his hands over the lamp and then smiles.

LITTLE KID

Hey, I can feel it.  It feels like…like…I don’t know what it feels like.  This is the first time I’ve ever felt something.

BRUCE WILLIS

It feels like a lamp because that’s what it is.  If you’re going to describe it, say it feels like a lamp.

LITTLE KID

Dr. Willis, does everything in the world feel exactly like this lamp feels?

Bruce Willis rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

BRUCE WILLIS

No.  There’s all kinds of things that things feel like.  Leather, wood, fruit, suction cups. There’s dozens of different things to feel.

LITTLE KID

Can I stop touching the lamp now?

BRUCE WILLIS

No.

————————————-

That’s all I’m going to share!  If you want to buy this screenplay (I’m asking between $700,000 and $1.3 million) to find out what happens, get in touch soon!  This is a sure-fire box-office smash!

Dee Collins

townofcoma@hotmail.com

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Buy My Screenplay: Good Will Hunting 2

Apr. 19 Classified, Living no comments
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good will hunting

World-famous deer-killer Matt Damon really “unloads” in this action-thriller installment of the Good Will Hunting franchise.

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my ad below and then contact me to buy my screenplay!

I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE! And you will too. Set in the remote wilderness of western Nebraska, “Good Will Hunting II: Will Hunts Deer” is an epic tale of survival.

LOGLINE

A movie for everyone who was disappointed about how little actual hunting occurred in the first film.

EXT. WOODS IN WESTERN NEBRASKA- MORNING

Will is standing in the forest doing math problems on his chalkboard.  Suddenly he looks up and sees a DEER staring at him about 25 yards away. Will freezes in place. His mouth drops open and he begins to tremble.

                                               WILL

                    Oh crap.  I hope that’s a friendly deer.

Suddenly, the deer bolts through the woods heading straight toward Will.  Will drops his chalk and takes off running in the opposite direction.

                                              WILL

                    Oh no!  What am I going to do?

Will keeps running, dodging trees and jumping over logs.  But the deer is pretty fast and closes the distance.  Will gets to the edge of the forest and stops suddenly.  He looks ahead and sees there is a giant cliff.  Nowhere for him to run!

The deer catches up to him and stops.  The deer SNARLS and begins to GROWL.  Will shakes his head, looks over the cliff and then back to the deer.

                                              WILL

                    What am I going to do now?  I think I’ll have to jump off this cliff and hope for the best.

CUT TO:

———————-

That’s all you get for now!  If you like what you see and want to see this movie on the big screen or just read it on your computer then let’s do business!

townofcoma@hotmail.com

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Buy My Screenplay ‘Invasion: Fight Til Dawn’

Feb. 16 Classified, Living no comments
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This advertorial does not reflect the views of Coma News Daily

Invasion: Fight Til Dawn

Starring Leonardo Dicaprio and Flo from the Progressive Insurance TV commercials

Earth Battle Wars

 

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my ad below and then contact me to buy my screenplay!

THIS IS THE MOVIE HOLLYWOOD DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE! Finally, an apocalyptic alien invasion movie without all the clichés! This big-budget summer blockbuster will make billions of dollars.

LOGLINE

Aliens have invaded earth and they aren’t happy! Can a washed-up private investigator (played by Leonardo Dicaprio), and a down-on-her-luck notary public (played by Flo from the Progressive Insurance TV commercials) save the world before it is too late? Maybe. 

Below is a sample of this gut-wrenching, eye-popping disaster epic:

EXT. MOBILE, ALABAMA- DAY

Terror-filled SCREAMS and CRIES FOR HELP ring out across the city as people run and scramble for safety. The scene is complete pandemonium. In the sky, an ALIEN SPACESHIP hovers above one of the many skyscrapers.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO, a washed-up private investigator, takes cover behind an abandoned car in the middle of a chaotic street. By his side is FLO FROM THE PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE COMMERCIALS ON TELEVISION.

The alien spaceship shoots laser beams at a large building, creating a HUGE EXPLOSION. Concrete, glass and steel rain down on the street below.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO

Those aliens are blowing up a bunch of stuff!

FLO FROM TV COMMERCIAL

What do you think they want?

LEONARDO DICAPRIO

Same thing everybody wants Flo…

(beat)

Money.

FLO FROM TV COMMERCIAL

Why do you think they want money?

LEONARDO DICAPRIO

They are probably holding us ransom until we pay them a bunch of money. Like A LOT.

FLO FROM TV COMMERCIAL

But what good would our money be to them? I mean…like, what would they spend it on?

The alien spaceship fires another laser beam and destroys a second building. Leonardo and Flo cover their heads as debris from the explosion flies all around them.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO

I don’t know. Yachts, a nice watch, fancy galas. Same thing all the rich people spend their money on.

FLO FROM TV COMMERCIAL

What are we going to do?

Leonardo Dicaprio reaches for a chunk of concrete.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO

We’re going to fight back!

Leonardo Dicaprio stands up and hurls the chunk of concrete as hard as he can at the alien spaceship, hitting it squarely. The spaceship wobbles in the air for a moment, seemingly losing all ability to navigate, before crashing into a large building and exploding.

———–

That’s all for now! If you want to buy this screenplay, get in touch with me immediately.  For a limited time, I’m offering this and “Death Cow” as a package for $650,000! You can’t beat that deal! Don’t wait!

Dee Collins

townofcoma@gmail.com

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Buy My Screenplay: No Country For Old Men II

Dec. 25 Classified, Living no comments
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no country for old men 2This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

 

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my ad below and then contact me to buy my screenplay!

THIS IS THE MOVIE THAT YOU WERE BORN TO WATCH! Unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, “No Country for Old Men II: Revenge of the Old Men” is a movie that transcends genre and cannot be defined.

LOGLINE

Javier Bardem’s character from “No Country For Old Men” is still on his quest to kill all the country’s old men.  But when he stumbles across a group of crotchety, arthritic geriatrics who won’t go down without a fight, Bardem is pushed to his limits.  Will he manage to kill all the old men who live in the country?  You’ll have to purchase the screenplay to find out.  

“No Country For Old Men 2: Revenge of the Old Men”

Starring Javier Bardem and that guy from “Homeland”

EXT. RETIREMENT HOME- DAY

Javier Bardem is lying on the grass in front of a retirement home.  His right arm and both feet have been chopped off.  An Old Man using a walker is shuffling toward him.

                                   JAVIER BARDEM

You cut off my feet!

                                   OLD MAN (nameless from Homeland)

Zip your trapper, long hair!

Javier Bardem tries to sit up.  He looks around and sees his gun a few feet away.  He tries to pull himself closer.

                                    JAVIER BARDEM

You cut off my arm!

                                    OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)

There’s plenty more where that came from Mary.

Javier Bardem continues to pull himself with the only arm he has left toward his gun.

                                   JAVIER BARDEM

I’m trying to reach my gun so I can shoot you.

The Old Man quickens his pace, shuffling his feet as he races toward the gun.

                                     OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)

Oh, no!  I better get to that gun first so you can’t use it to shoot me.

                                      JAVIER BARDEM

I better try to get to the gun before you do so you don’t hurt me anymore.  It’s like we’re

racing to reach the gun first and whoever wins this race will have a clear advantage over the other person.

                                    OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)

I’m trying really hard to get to that gun but I don’t know if I can move

fast enough to beat you.  But you’re right about the person getting there first having a clear advantage.

                                   JAVIER BARDEM

I wonder what’s going to happen?  Who do you think will reach the gun first?

                                    OLD MAN (that old guy from Homeland)

I have no clue.  I hope it’s me though.

                                    JAVIER BARDEM

I’m hoping I get there first.

Both men reach the gun at the exact same time!

————————————-

That’s all I’m going to share!  If you want to buy this screenplay (only 7 million dollars cash or cashier’s check) and find out what happens, get in touch soon!  This is an amazing screenplay that tells the story we really wanted to see in the first movie (and were led to believe would happen based on the title of the film).

Dee Collins

townofcoma@hotmail.com

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