By Coma News Daily Staff
Many of Coma’s streets are not passable after haphazard snow removal and subsequent snow replacement since the recent snow storm.
Some roads appeared to have 8-foot snow drifts pushed from the sidewalks into the middle of the road, while other roads were plowed in random zig-zag patterns.
The only logical explanation is a phantom snow plow, according to local officials.
“I cleared those bloody streets so there’s no natural explanation for how it all got piled up in the middle of the road,” Robert McGuiness, a local plow driver, said in an interview at Bear’s Biker Bar.
Town leaders urged calm.
“The ghost plows are trying to divide us along the lines of those with four wheel drive and those without,” Mayor Dave Anderson said. “That’s how they stoke fear. That’s how they win.”
Other plow drivers gathered at the bar a for day-long happy hour, prior to clearing snow, agreed with McGuiness’ suspicion of an otherworldly cause.
“Based on the plowing patterns we’re likely dealing with some kind of alien-hybrid superplow trying communicate with us through a super-primal language of frustration and rage,” Micah Horncraft, another plow driver and futurist, said at the bar.
The impassable roads were similar results following previous storms–despite the support of local businesses, like Bear’s, to provide support through steeply discounted food and alcoholic drinks.
The snow-terror campaign has left many residents resigned to hibernating until expected rains wash the white nightmare out of their lives.
“I remember as a child loving the snow but that was obviously before I had to shovel it–and before the damn snow ghost,” said Dr. Jimmy.