Winter Blews? Mayor Considers Airstrike
By Thomas Steven John, future beat reporter Coma News
Mayor Dave Anderson plans to request a firebombing of Coma Saturday, The Coma News has learned.
Anderson, who has not yet revealed the plan to anyone, was seen implementing the airstrike in the future fever dreams of this Coma News reporter.
The high altitude napalm strike will aim to melt the remainder of the record 87 inches that have fallen in Coma this Winter.
The idea was seen coming to Anderson suddenly as he quietly considered the utter meaningless of life during yet another day trapped indoors by frigid temperatures. It was then that he remembered a commander in the local Air National Guard “owed me big–like Tijuana big.”
“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Anderson said, when asking about the impending bombardment. “Although this goddamn winter feels like it’s never going to end. Like ever.”
When asked about the high likelihood of death and destruction as a result of his actions, Anderson mumbled with a far away look that “fire melts snow; it ain’t rocket science.”
When asked about the likely impact of the Airstrike on his re-election chances, Anderson snapped out of his vacant stare.
“Oh yeah, well, maybe we could just wait and see,”he said. “You hear what forecast is for next week?”
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