30 Dates for Science

The following is blog by a Coma resident excerpted as a community service by Coma New Daily.

30 Dates for Science
By Dr. Jimmy, Coma Physician and former raver

This is a modern scientific dating experiment. One medical doctor. Thirty dates. Thirty scientific hypotheses.


First Date: Veggies, Check

This “date” was a real world examination of the validity of the FDA’s conclusion that less than 10 percent of U.S. adults eat the recommended daily amount of vegetables. And if true, can it be corrected?

I selected this as the first of the series of experiments because it seemed like a simple scientific challenge. I mean, what strapping young lass (SYL) doesn’t love salad or a plain head of lettuce?

I arranged to meet up with SYL during happy hour at Coma’s premier single’s bar/family Chinese restaurant.

Me: Do you want to take these drinks over to the dining room and grab some dinner?

SYL: I don’t really do dinner.

Me: Oh well, would you join me while I eat a wholesome, delicious salad full of locally scavenged ingredients?

SYL: Uh, no?

Me: Then how about we just grab a veggie platter appetizer right here at the bar?

SYL: What are you even talking about? Please stop. Please stop right now.

Some of her “lifelong buds” (LLBs) stopped by the bar to drink a trough of wine and we all started chatting: them about music, movies, and ways you can inhale white wine; me about vegetables. How great are they? How many do you eat per day? Raw or cooked?

When SYL steps out for a moment, I turn to her friends:

Me: (intoxicated) Does she like vegetables?

LLB1: She loves vegetables.

The rest of the night was a blur. After I gave up on getting SYL to switch to Bloody Marys, I focused on ensuring her Martinis had extra, extra, extra olives.

So, did this medical scientist succeed in getting SYL to the full three cups of FDA recommended daily servings of vegetables? I have no idea because the scientific rigors of my double blind study were thoroughly blinded by Chinese liquors. Despite that, I like to think I helped this young woman achieve at least one day of adequate vegetable intake.

Totes tomatoes.

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