WHEREAS,
In 1862 Coma’s entire chicken population was evenly divided and trained to fight for each side of the Civil War, sent off with great fanfare and never heard from again
WHEREAS,
In 1920 an unknown number and variety of land mines were buried in and about the town of Coma and none whatsoever were removed
WHEREAS,
In 1972 the Great Hippy Riots reduced the entirety of South Coma and its Hemp Garment District to a smoldering ash heap, which it remains to this day
WHEREAS,
The past is largely painful and full of things we don’t want to remember; and
WHEREAS,
The internet now allows us to change everything about our past for a more hopeful future
WHEREAS,
A new focus solely on the limitless possibilities and good intentions of the future is now possible through internet chat
WHEREAS,
There is no more reason to look at all the things that have happened and rather focus on what could be
NOW, THEREFORE, DO I,
Dave Anderson
Mayor of the Town of Coma, proclaim
May as the month we ban all things that are in the past from being spoken about unless using Morse Code or Telegram.
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