Tag: matt damon

Buy My Screenplay: Matt Damon Returns In “The Pretty Good Wall”

pretty good wall

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

ADVERTORIAL

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods.  Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay!

I’ve just completed my latest screenplay and it is really good! It’s called “The Pretty Good Wall” and it is a sequel to the mega-blockbuster film “The Great Wall” starring Matt Damon.

This movie has everything you want in a movie.  It has Matt Damon. It has a wall. It has EVERYTHING!

Below is a sample of one scene.  If you like it and would like to buy it, please let me know.

I’m offering it at a discount right now for only $400,000 but you better act fast because this deal won’t last. This is going to be a hot property because of the unprecedented success of “The Great Wall.”

LOG LINE

Matt Damon is back at it. After defending the Great Wall of China, Matt finds himself protecting a modest brick wall in the foothills of the Sahara Desert from evil, fire-breathing dragons. Featuring popular actor Jon Hamm and the voice of Academy Award winner Meryl Streep as “Beans the Dragon”, The Pretty Good Wall will raise the bar on movies about walls.

EXT. SAHARA DESERT- DAY

Matt Damon and popular actor Jon Hamm are standing behind a modest, ten-foot long wall in the middle of the desert. Both men look haggard and exhausted. Dirt and blood cover their faces. They stare off in the distance, spears and weapons clutched firmly in their hands.

               JON HAMM

          Man, I love walls.

               MATT DAMON

          Me too, Jon. Me too.

               JON HAMM

          But I HATE dragons, LOL!

Matt Damon laughs and slaps Jon Hamm on the back.

               MATT DAMON

          I was just thinking the same thing. That’s funny Jon. Very funny.

The two men continue to stare off in the distance, scanning the vacant horizon. Jon moves his spear from one hand to the other and shakes out his free hand.

               JON HAMM

          My hand keeps cramping up.

               MATT DAMON

          Yeah. I hate that.

               (beat)

          Man, I love this wall. I mean, I love ALL walls. They are just like the best things in the world. But this one…this one is really awesome.

               JON HAMM

          I’m surprised you haven’t tried to hump it yet, LOL!

Matt Damon bursts into hysterical laughter.

               MATT DAMON

          The day is still young, Jon Hamm! The day is still young!

The two men go silent again and return their gaze to the horizon. Jon Hamm steps forward. His eyes narrow.

              JON HAMM

          Is that a dragon?

Jon Hamm points to somewhere far off in the distance. Matt Damon steps forward and studies the area for a moment.

               MATT DAMON

          No. I think it’s a kite.

Jon Hamm walks forward, his eyes still locked on the horizon.

               JON HAMM

          Oh. Yeah. I think you’re right.

               (beat)

          Fucking kites, man. I mean…what’s the point?

Matt Damon laughs heartily and slaps Jon Hamm on the back.

               MATT DAMON

          So true, Jon Hamm. That is spot on. I was thinking the same thing. That’s definitely laugh-out-loud funny!

The two men continue to stare off in the distance.

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That’s all you get for now! Remember, The Great Wall is a gigantic, international blockbuster! People will want a sequel. This is that sequel!  Anyhow, contact me!  Let’s make movies!

Contact Dee Collins at townofcoma@hotmail.com

Rare Hollywood Merchandise Goes on Sale this Weekend

by Coma New Staff

Just in time for the Academy Awards, local memorabilia collector Dee Collins announced this week she is selling select pieces of her vast collection of extremely rare Hollywood merchandise.

“These are pieces that capture some of the most memorable moments in film making history,” Collins said. “The craftsmanship, quality and nostalgia are impeccable.”

english patient soap dispenser

ABOVE: “The English Patient” hand-soap dispenser features actor Ralph Fiennes as the lovable burn victim.

Among the items Collins is offering is a throw pillow featuring Leonardo DiCaprio as Hugh Glass from the film “The Revenant,” a limited-edition “Benjamin Button” lampshade, an imported hand-soap dispenser featuring Ralph Fiennes as the burn victim from “The English Patient” and a Talented Mr. Ripley’s Chef’s Choice Diamond Hone Electric Knife Sharpener 310 featuring Matt Damon as Tom Ripley.

According to Collins, it is not uncommon for film studios to make limited-runs of merchandise to help promote their films. Collins has spent years building her collection, which also includes a “Howard’s End” toothbrush set, a comforter featuring the cast of “The Insider” and a beer cozy from the film “Milk” featuring Sean Penn as Harvey Milk.

the revenant throw pillow

ABOVE: The intensity of Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar-winning performance is captured perfectly in this cozy, soft throw pillow.

Collins said she has spent nearly 15 years assembling her collection and hopes to one day open a museum dedicated to motion pictures and film memorabilia. Part of her motivation for selling select pieces now is to raise money to help make that dream come true.

Talented mr ripley knife sharpener

ABOVE: This electric knife sharpener was part of a limited “The Talented Mr. Ripley” series of knife sharpeners that also included Jude Law and Kate Blanchett.

“I want a place for people to go and be able to see things like a child’s sippy cup featuring the movie poster for ‘Cold Mountain,” Collins said. “I want to create that magical experience for people who love movies as much as I do.”

Collins, who is a noted children’s author and who has scripted more than 400 screenplays, said the sale will run through this weekend to coincide with the Academy Awards ceremony on Sunday. Prices range from $500 to $2,500 for more rare items.

benjamin button lamp shade

ABOVE: Brad Pitt’s famous turn as the adorable Benjamin Button is forever memorialized on this exquisite and stylish lamp shade.

Buy My Screenplay: Good Will Hunting 2

good will hunting

World-famous deer-killer Matt Damon really “unloads” in this action-thriller installment of the Good Will Hunting franchise.

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then sell them through traditional classified advertising methods. Read my ad below and then contact me to buy my screenplay!

I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE! And you will too. Set in the remote wilderness of western Nebraska, “Good Will Hunting II: Will Hunts Deer” is an epic tale of survival.

LOGLINE

A movie for everyone who was disappointed about how little actual hunting occurred in the first film.

EXT. WOODS IN WESTERN NEBRASKA- MORNING

Will is standing in the forest doing math problems on his chalkboard.  Suddenly he looks up and sees a DEER staring at him about 25 yards away. Will freezes in place. His mouth drops open and he begins to tremble.

                                               WILL

                    Oh crap.  I hope that’s a friendly deer.

Suddenly, the deer bolts through the woods heading straight toward Will.  Will drops his chalk and takes off running in the opposite direction.

                                              WILL

                    Oh no!  What am I going to do?

Will keeps running, dodging trees and jumping over logs.  But the deer is pretty fast and closes the distance.  Will gets to the edge of the forest and stops suddenly.  He looks ahead and sees there is a giant cliff.  Nowhere for him to run!

The deer catches up to him and stops.  The deer SNARLS and begins to GROWL.  Will shakes his head, looks over the cliff and then back to the deer.

                                              WILL

                    What am I going to do now?  I think I’ll have to jump off this cliff and hope for the best.

CUT TO:

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That’s all you get for now!  If you like what you see and want to see this movie on the big screen or just read it on your computer then let’s do business!

townofcoma@hotmail.com