Mayor Proposes Ban on Criticizing Mayor About Bans
Citing a growing frustration regarding negative feedback his office has received over the recent spate of newly-introduced bans and ordinances, Coma Mayor Dave Anderson suggested a new ban on criticizing the mayor over bans and ordinances during an impromptu press conference on Monday.
“Keep it up,” Mayor Anderson said in a threatening tone.
Several unidentified staffers confirmed the mayor’s office has received nearly a dozen phone calls, letters and Post-it notes over the last month from disgruntled citizens criticizing the mayor’s support of city bans that have included restrictions on everything from non-dairy whipped topping to paper products.
“There have been at least five phone calls, which has got the entire mayor’s office up in arms,” one unidentified city employee said. “Good thing most of us have two arms so we can keep up with all those calls.”
Mayor Anderson refused to elaborate on what appeared to be a veiled threat. The former stand-up comedian and first-term mayor tried to change the subject with a series of relatively obvious observations about relationships.
“Do you ever find yourself in the middle of sexual fornication and forget what you’re supposed to do?” the Mayor asked the small collection of reporters who were present. “Can I say the words ‘sexual fornication’ in a press conference?”
Last week, Mayor Anderson said the recent bans were a result of increased pressure by local community activist groups and concerned citizens. The mayor is facing increased pressure from constituents who maintain the bans are an infringement on basic liberties. The issue is expected to be a hot-button issue in the upcoming mayoral race in October. Anderson will face the winner of the primary election pitting live-at-home man, Steve Phillips, and local paving magnate Russel Stonewall.