First Openly Scottish Player Drafted in Coma Pool League

By Coma News Staff

Only the most ardent billiards fans or committed alcoholics are usually present for the Coma Pool League’s annual draft.

But on Wednesday night something special happened at Bob’s Beer Hole. History was made.

Robert McGuiness was drafted in the first round of this season of pairs billiards by last season’s returning runner-up team, Ball Smackers.

“Are you literally serious?” McGuiness said when his name was called by Jax Owen, Ball Smackers’ owner and team captain. “Is it too late for me to withdraw my name?”


Predictably, the reaction to the first openly Scottish pool league player, both supportive and ugly, was strong on social media and elsewhere.

“$36.50 for anyone who will switch with me,” McGuiness tweeted shortly after the draft. “I’m serious people, please don’t ruin the next four months of my life by making my play with this guy.”

Others downplayed the historic nature of the selection of McGuiness, who spent recent months sharpening his pool skills after he was terminated by Coma News.

“This is all about talent, not what pathetic country he’s from,” Owen said about his teammate.

Marlee Bumgartner, activist and shut-in, hailed the selection as important not only for the billiards league but for the entire town.

“Have you heard his accent?” Bumgartner said. “I’m serious, ask him to say aluminum. Amazing.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>