News In Brief – May 30

By Coma News Staff

whats happening

Openly Scottish Player Victorious
The first openly Scottish player in the Coma Pool League won his first game on Wednesday.
Robert McGuiness helped lead his team, Ball Smackers, to its first victory over its arch rival, Steady Strokes.
“I really wish you’d stop writing about me,” McGuiness said when asked about the role that his unique background played in the victory.
Next up for the historic billiards player is a match Tuesday against the dominating duo of We Like Nuts.

New Dating Service Coming
Bob Smith-Smith, Coma Town Council member and musician, will soon add entrepreneur to his list of accomplishments.
Smith-Smith announced this week that he plans to start a dating website exclusively for adults who live in their parents’ basements.
“I was inspired by my son, Jon, whom I couldn’t be prouder of,” said Smith-Smith, who also performs as Spazzo the Clown.

Pet Cull Coming
Question: Who let the dogs out?
Answer: The person who wants them collected as part of the town’s annual pet cull coming up this weekend.
So check those pets, fences, locks and cages because if you want it, here it is, come and get it.

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