Coma Budget Battles Begin
By: Coma News Staff
Springtime means budgeting and budgeteering at the Town Council.
Leading points of friction that have emerged this year include whether to raise the Internet comment section usage tax 15%–that’s an even $10 per word to Joe-six-pack.
This is the “how to read a graph” graph that was introduced at the budget meeting as a learning tool.
“Cordiality on the Internet always takes fewer words than vindictiveness,” said Councilwoman Natalie Peters, a leading supporter of the Chat Tax.
Fee increases also under consideration include a 65% increase in public sidewalk licenses, 22% boost in the pet trapping/disposal charge and a 11% bump in the SWATing charge.
“The costs of stuff, like all the doors our heroes in blue wrongly smashed through last year, keep going up, people,” Mayor Anderson said, when presenting the budget for consideration. “And no one wants to give up their God given right to SWAT their neighbors and exes a few times a year, so we gotta figure out a way to pay for it.”
The most predictable moment of budget season came when the Town Council rejected, 8-1, Councilman Bob Smith-Smith’s annual failed request to fund a Coma Wikipedia museum and massage parlor.
“This council and its disrespect for the Library of Alexandria of our age is a disgrace,” Smith-Smith said after the vote.
Another round of budget votes are expected next week and final approval–barring any interruptions by the SWAT team–is expected by the end of March.
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