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comments feedLocal Teen Petitions Town Council to Adopt “Free Money” Initiative
Local teen Chase Donovan is spearheading what some of his teen friends are calling a “radical” campaign that would revolutionize Coma’s currency system. Donovan calls the plan the Free Money Initiative and claims it will end poverty, hunger, and suffering for many citizens in Coma and, “maybe even the world”.
“Think about it; if money was free, people would have enough to buy whatever they needed,” Donovan said of his plan. “People just go to a store or something and the people there ask them how much they need and you just tell them how much you need and they give it to you and you go and buy whatever you want.”
Donovan hatched the plan during Mr. Schumacher’s current events class (fourth period) last spring. He said the idea stuck with him and made so much sense. After sharing the idea with other teen friends, who agreed that such an idea would end poverty and child malnutrition, Donovan developed a petition designed to attract attention from city council and create a free-money store in Coma.
ABOVE: Donovan says his plan would allow people to get money any time they wanted to buy whatever they need and it wouldn’t cost them anything
The petition has been signed by nearly two dozen citizens thus far, although Donovan admitted that all of them are underage and unable to vote. Supporters say such a plan will ensure a bright and successful future for generations to come.
“I’d love to just have tons of money whenever I want it,” Lance Tucker, 16, said of the initiative. “You just wake up and think about what you want to do and just go to the money shop and they give you the money? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…I’d be like ‘Yup.'”
Opponents call the plan irresponsible and cite the crushing impact it would have on an already fragile economy and currency system. “It’s pretty clear that no one in their right mind should let a teenager decide economic policy for this town.” said Jax Owen, local businessman and town council member. “Especially when that teenager never had a paying job.”
Donovan, however, said he is not deterred by such criticism.
“Think about it,” Donovan said.
While Donovan said he will continue to collect signatures for “as long as it takes,” at last count the petition was still 10,000 signatures short of the 10,000 signatures of registered voters required to force council action.
I’m Here, So Get Ready to Know Stuff
Editorial note: The views expressed by Chase Donovan are not those of Coma News. Due to a shortage of reporters, editors and columnists, Coma News has allowed our interns to take a more active role throughout the publication. This column is brought to you by Liquid Ham. It’s Oink-a-licious.
Chase Donovan
A couple weeks ago the people at Coma News asked me if I was interested in doing an internship since I was in the news room all the time. I think they wanted me here because a lot of old people are here and they wanted a younger voice. I’m pretty sure they also heard about me and know I have mind-blowing ideas that will definitely tear shit up.
So here’s a heads up that I’m around and will write news stories from time to time that will blow your mind right out your head.
I’m working on a news story right now about economies and how if money were free then people wouldn’t go hungry or need jobs or anything. I don’t want to give it away but it’s about how if you gave people money any time they wanted it, they wouldn’t worry about getting money for groceries or anything.
Think about it.
I’m also working on a story about whether paper is made out of trees or if trees are made out of paper. How do we know it’s not the other way around? We always say paper comes from trees, but if all paper is made from trees, then doesn’t that mean that all trees are made of paper? Yeah, it kind of does meant that.
Think about it.
I don’t want to give all my news stories away but I’m in the newsroom now and I’m not going to hold back. So get ready to know the news in new and different ways. Like, are babies really small adults or are adults really big babies? I’m full of this kind of shit.
Donovan is an intern for Coma News.
