Editor’s note: As part of Coma News’ community outreach, the following blog excerpt is one of a selection of local online postings we will re-publish by residents and business owners.
Daddy Warbucks: Marybell, your mom needs you to run to the store and get some things for our Christmas party.
Me: Not now, Daddy. I have to solve the mystery of middle age happiness.
The mystery of old love is at least as old as that chick Mary, who got pregnant by magic and then had the son of God and somehow told Joseph, “Hey guy, magic made me pregnant not you.”.
And Joseph was like, “No worries. I’m staying.”
It’s so unrealistic that it’s basically impossible to believe it could have happened in this world. But then maybe people can still be happy when they’re old and married. It’s a mystery I have to figure out.
The mystery is how are we supposed to believe anyone would do it? Why would anyone stay together and why would anyone become a mother?
My mother’s name is Faith, which is the dumbest name I’ve ever heard, especially since my mother only believes in the power of shopping and the fact that I will never live up to her expectations.
Yesterday, she and I were in Bear’s Biker Bar, where last year’s Christmas decorations are still up and Bear, and the owner-bartender, is wearing a Santa hat. This is also where Coma News Daily podcasts from since drunk people seem to get us better.
“Who is your cute friend, Marybell?” says Bear.
I look around because my friend Hope isn’t here. And there’s only one other woman in this bar and it’s my mom (gross).
“You mean (I pointed to my mom) her?” I say.
My mom giggled. It was gross. She sounded young and fun, and basically totally unlike herself.
“That’s not my friend. That’s my mother,” I say.
And Bear smiles and winks at her and says, “on the house.”
The truth is my mom is old. She goes to wineries and everything she thought she was going to be, she isn’t. She thought she was going to be an artist and went to study sculptures in Italy (naked people, gross). She ran into my Dad at a coffee shop there and he made her laugh, so she put her paint away and followed him back to America (probably giggling the whole time) and she taught kids art while he went to business school. They got married and she got pregnant (gross) and he made our garage into an art studio so she could wear overalls and paint weird stuff all day to sell on Esty.
And how dumb is this story? Hasn’t she heard of finding herself?
There are two bearded guys at the pool table arguing about politics and the door opens and my Dad walks in and my mother giggles (gross). They have been together for all this time and she still giggles. He walks over and kisses her on the top of her head.
“Hey, Marybell. What are you doing tonight alone here in this bar?” Dad says.
And he doesn’t wait for my answer but if he had I’d tell him I’m solving mysteries as a self made businesswoman who doesn’t need–
But he’s walked away and he and Mom are over at a pool table and she’s awful at the game and just laughing and laughing. The two old dudes stop arguing and laugh at how terrible my mother is at the game.
And I don’t have a way to solve why someone becomes a mother or why old people are happy.