Pregnant women across Coma started training this week for Coma General Hospital’s redesigned Birthing Obstacle Course. In the vein of the every popular ‘Tough Mudder‘ challenge, couples must navigate their way under barbed wire, conquer a rope climb, and swing over a pit of recently jailed convicts in order to access Coma General’s Labor and Delivery.
Jillian O’Connor practices for The Big Belly Crabwalk
Marlee Bumgartener, local activist and supporter of the course said, “The teen birth rate may be down in Coma (due in small part to the banishment of all 13 year olds) but too many children are still being born. This course will make people think twice about having children.”
Couples will have to weigh the pros and cons of parenthood and asses their ability to tackle challenging physical obstacles. New additions to the course include a tightrope walk dubbed The Umbilical Cord, The Stretch Mark Maze, and The Big Belly Crabwalk. Besides physical challenges, potential new moms must also endure puzzling mental challenges such as, “where the hell did I put my car keys a toddler is screaming in my face”. Construction of the course was completed by the creators of Coma Landmine tours.
The grueling course may leave some couples reeling, says Sadie Cracker, adding, “Isn’t the decision to parent enough of a challenge and the actual failure of being a parent enough of a challenge? Not sure what the obstacle course solves especially since it’s being subsidized by a beer label.”
Intercourse beer is a proud sponsor of the Coma General birthing obstacle course. Intercourse beer’s slogan, “made with the finest barley and a hint of regret. “
As always, parents who fail to complete the course in the specified time-frame will be forced to deliver and register their baby’s birthplace at a hospital outside of Coma. Transportation costs will not be covered by Coma General.
A $200 entrance fee is required for couples and a $250 fee applies to single mothers. Pets welcome!
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