Coma Mayor is Not “Pro Cancer”

By Coma News Staff

Coma Mayor Dave Anderson, announced an initiative that focuses on women constituents this week, and also reiterated that despite recent comments made by political rivals, he is not, in fact, a pro-cancer Mayor.

“I can’t stress how completely false these accusations are,” Anderson said at a town meeting on Tuesday evening. “I dislike every form of cancer.”

Recent rumors have circulated throughout Coma that Anderson was “soft” on cancer. This criticism is on the heels of him canceling all runs and walks for cancer in the Town citing traffic issues and lack of funding for security.


“I can see it,” local business owner and amateur politician, Jax Owen said. “I got that vibe the first time I shook his hand. Just had that I’m-not-a-friend-of-cancer vibe. Except the ta-ta cancer. He seems to have an interest in the ta-ta cancer.”

Anderson spent nearly two hours explaining his position on every form of cancer while fielding a variety of questions.

“He had little knowledge about what cancer actually is but that did not stop him from talking about most forms of cancer.” said Coma’s Dr. Jimmy. “It might be best for him to leave technical explanations to medical professionals rather than reading it from a medical journal where he mispronounces most of the words.”

The mayor said he hoped this explanation would put the issue to rest, but according to some, the mayor may have left the door open for future opponents.

“He did say he disliked cancer,” Dee Collins said. “But, well, he didn’t say he ‘hated’ it. I think people wanted to hear him say he hated cancer’s guts. Just makes you wonder if he doesn’t harbor some affection for the deadly disease.”


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