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Coma Launches First Official Website- Non-Telegraph Version

first story

Above; a photo of the first story to appear on the new Coma website (non-telegraph form)

By Coma News Staff

On the heels of the recently announced ban on all paper products, the Coma Daily News has launched the town’s first public website on the computer.   This article you are now reading is the first news story published on the website.  Technically, it is the third story published on the new website.  The first story was very similar to this story only it was written in what is apparently an unacceptable telegraph-style.  The second story was a story about how apparently telegraph-style is unacceptable on computers.

As has been the tradition of the Coma Daily News for more than a century, we hope to continue to bring you all the news and information about our beloved town in a timely manner on the computer.

Apparently Telegraph Format Unnecessary On Today’s Internet

old man confused

Stan Bargmeyer reflects on the sudden decline of telegraph format in modern media.

By Robert McGuiness, Coma News Reporter, Not an Alcoholic

Coma News staff has learned the telegraph format, popularized in the 19th century, is apparently not the preferred format for online communication on computers.  Furthermore, it would appear there are very few rules in regards to style, format and even punctuation on the internet.  By all accounts, it’s an “anything goes” buffet of excessive exclamation points, multiple question marks to end sentences and random abbreviations.

This news is startling, however there is no indication yet that the internet poses a health risk to citizens.  Coma News has contacted Coma physician Dr. Jimmy about risks of using computers online.

“I am not aware of any violent deaths associated with the internet.” said, Dr. Jimmy.

 

Town of Coma has Website STOP Paper Ban in Effect STOP

Coma Scroll computer screen

Cheryl Mapplethorpe touches a computer screen as she explores the new Coma News computer website on the internet.

By Robert McGuiness, Reporter Coma News, Not an Alcoholic

Town of Coma News launches website on the world wide websites STOP  Follows recent ban on paper products STOP All news to be broadcast over internet STOP Citizens in state of confusion STOP Mayor Dave Anderson to make public address STOP  Encourages citizens to embrace change and look to future STOP

Little is known about safety of internet STOP Be diligent STOP Lock doors STOP Please read this STOP
If you have news to share with citizens COMMA send electronic mail with details STOP  Interested in wide range of news COMMA but particularly interested in learning how recent bans affect citizens STOP Is it affect or effect QUESTION MARK That one always gets this reporter STOP Maybe either is correct STOP  Someone might need to go back to grammar school STOP Just kidding STOP But seriously COMMA not sure what is correct STOP