Tag: music

High School Musician Announces New Band, Album

By Coma News Staff

Coma teenager and musician Chase Donovan announced this week that his new band will be releasing an album this summer.

Donovan, who achieved some local neighborhood fame in 2015 with his band Ferret Dust and their album “Thanks For Killing Babies NSA,” said his musical interests continue to evolve, which lead to the end of Ferret Dust.

“I think Ferret Dust had its time and while I’m very happy with some of the music we put out, it was just time to move on,” Donovan said.  “Stuff like this happens.  Bands break up all the time.”

06 02 16 Chase

Musician and local bad boy Chase Donovan is excited about his new band and promises to “shake things up around here.”

Donovan’s new band is called Town Hall Meeting and includes all the original members of Ferret Dust.  The group’s debut album will be titled “Nice Knowing You Planet Earth, Too Bad You’re Dead,” and will feature 11 tracks that Donovan called “provocative and at the same time not provocative at all.”

“This is going to be a statement album,” Donovan said.  “People will hear it and they will be talking about it and it will probably change some things for the better.”

The band released a song list for the album which includes the following titles:

  • “There Used To Be A Place Called The Amazon River But It’s Gone Now”
  • “It’s Time To Give Everyone Free Money”
  • “I’m Not Going To Eat Any More Food Until Police Brutality Stops Everywhere, Seriously”
  • “Hand Me My Flip-Flops; The Planet Is Heatin’ Up”
  • “No Thank You, I’ll Eat Grass”
  • “Gunna Marry Me A Tree”
  • “Old Guys In Suits Are Bombing China As You Listen To This Song”
  • “I Want A Twenty-Five Dollar Minimum Wage”

“This album explores many of the world’s issues and provides reasonable solutions in one neat, tidy package,” Donovan said. “Compared to Ferret Dust, Town Hall Meeting has a much more refined, mature and nuanced sound.”

Donovan confirmed the band booked their first show and will play the title track to their upcoming album as part of the Coma High School Talent Show next week.  Beyond that, Donovan said the band plans to play some shows at local parks, diners and backyards all summer long to support the new album.

“Whatever happens, I just want to stay humble and focus on fixing all the world’s problems through music,” Donovan said. “I think this record will be very popular in third-world countries because they can relate to things like corporate greed, justice systems that are all whacked up and campaign finance crisis.”

Nice Knowing You Planet Earth, Too Bad You’re Dead will be available on CD via the band’s website on June 21.

Opinion: I Went to School with Billy Joel

Opinion: Went to School with Billy Joel But Not Sure if he is the Famous One

Stan Bargmeyer

I went to high school with a guy named Billy Joel but I’m not certain if he is Billy Joel the famous singer and songwriter. I’ve asked some friends and most of them say it probably isn’t the same Billy Joel who had commercial success in the 1970s and 1980s with hit songs like “The Man Who Plays the Piano” and “Thriller.”

How likely is it that there would be two people with the exact same name?

billy joel hs

Even after looking at my old high school yearbook, I can’t tell if the Billy Joel I went to high school with (left) is the same one who made a lot of successful music (right)

The Billy Joel I knew from high school didn’t graduate. He was into small engine repair and I heard he got a job at a lawnmower repair shop a few years after high school.  He liked to party and had a big Rottweiler dog who once peed on the tire of my car.

Billy Joel just laughed and told me that dogs like to piss on car tires.

I’ve never seen pictures of the famous Billy Joel with a Rottweiler but that doesn’t mean he didn’t own one at one time. I’ve also not seen anything about the singer Billy Joel regarding a passion for re-building small engines and juicing-up lawnmowers. But again, that’s not proof that it’s not the same guy I went to high school with.

The Billy Joel I knew had four or five children with several different women. I also know that when he was 30 he suffered some severe burns on his face after throwing a gas can into a bonfire. Again, when I ask people if they know if the famous Billy Joel had these things happen to him, they will say no or they aren’t sure.  It is frustrating because it makes me feel like there is a chance it is the same Billy Joel.

I don’t remember my Billy Joel singing songs or writing music, but maybe he liked to keep that private and only do it on the radio or in front of thousands of people.

After more than 25 years of research, I don’t know if the Billy Joel I went to high school with is the same one that wrote the song “We Don’t Start Fires.”

I think it’s suspicious that he wrote a song about fire and the Billy Joel I know had most of his face burned off.

Is that just a coincidence?  Or was the song autobiographical?

Stan Bargmeyer, Coma News Intern

Sales Languish for Bill O’Reilly Seduction Album

oreilly album 1

Although not known for his songwriting and singing skills, popular television host Bill O’Reilly created a bit of a stir in January 2013 with the release of his first full-length studio album titled “O’Reilly’s Gunna Set The Mood Up In This Bitch”. Recorded entirely over the course of a three-day weekend in the town of Coma, the album was intended to usher in a new age of seduction-style music. While initial sales of the album were promising, many critics and consumers had negative, even traumatic, reaction to O’Reilly’s attempt at singing and songwriting.

As Rolling Stone music critic Richard Hughes put it; “There are things in this world that, once heard, cannot be unheard.  Unfortunately, that is the case with ‘O’Reilly’s Gunna Set The Mood Up In This Bitch.’”

Hughes was not alone in criticizing the album.  Researchers at Long Beach State University in California conducted a six-month study on the effects the album had on couples who listened to it before initiating intimate contact.

“It’s quite disastrous,” lead research Dr. Paul Higgins said of the study.  “Not only does the record fail to incite even the most microscopic levels of sensuality, in many cases it has turned off listeners to the idea of having sex for months.”

oreilly album 3

Wilton Foster and his wife Eunora participated in the study and fall into that latter category of listeners.

“We haven’t knocked boots in almost nine months,” a dejected Foster said.  “Usually I’d be frustrated about that and maybe even mad at my wife, but I’m just as much to blame.  After listening to that album…well…it changed me.”

With 12 tracks on the album, including songs titled “Let’s Touch Our Private Parts Against Each Other,” “Man On A Mission(ary) Position,” “Imma Dress Up Like Henry Kissinger And Rock Your World” and “I’d Shake Your Hand But I’m Not In The Mood For Foreplay Tonight Baby,” the record was intended to help set the mood for millions of couples across the country.

“This entire project is a natural progression for Mr. O’Reilly,” O’Reilly spokesman Jeffery Bayer said.  “Mr. O’Reilly already appears in millions of living rooms every weeknight.  It only made sense that he transition into millions of bedrooms as well.”

For the Fosters, and thousands of couples across the country, only time will help heal the scars that were left after listening to the album.

“I was thinking this record would be like some really great old Luther Vandross or something,” Wilton Foster said.  “But it isn’t.  It’s nothing like that.  It’s like the anti-Viagra or something.  Dude can’t sing.  Dude can’t write.”

oreilly album 2

A sampling of some of the lyrics from the album, in the very least, will make the listener confused and maybe even disoriented for some time.  Below is an excerpt from O’Reilly’s “Lady, You’re Going To Get Love Making From An American Patriot Who Is Also A Virgin”:

“Our private parts are private/we keep them in our pants

I’d like to invite yours out tonight/like going to a dance

Just want to set the mood for us/set it good and well

Want to crack those legs open/like they was the Liberty Bell

Lady I’m a Patriot/Love this country strong

Lady I’m a Patriot/If that’s right I don’t wanna be wrong

Lady I’m a Patriot/I’m gonna put my sex on you

Lady I’m a Patriot/At sex-making, I’m brand new”

While many retailers have removed the album from their stores, including a number of online retailers, the album is still available at Wal-Marts across the country.