I’m Here, So Get Ready to Know Stuff

Coma teenager, Chase Donovan, recently joined the Coma News Network and wants people to know he is here and wants people to get ready to know stuff


Editorial note: The views expressed by Chase Donovan are not those of Coma News. Due to a shortage of reporters, editors and columnists, Coma News has allowed our interns to take a more active role throughout the publication. This column is brought to you by Liquid Ham. It’s Oink-a-licious.

Chase Donovan

A couple weeks ago the people at Coma News asked me if I was interested in doing an internship since I was in the news room all the time. I think they wanted me here because a lot of old people are here and they wanted a younger voice. I’m pretty sure they also heard about me and know I have mind-blowing ideas that will definitely tear shit up.

So here’s a heads up that I’m around and will write news stories from time to time that will blow your mind right out your head.

I’m working on a news story right now about economies and how if money were free then people wouldn’t go hungry or need jobs or anything. I don’t want to give it away but it’s about how if you gave people money any time they wanted it, they wouldn’t worry about getting money for groceries or anything.

Think about it.

I’m also working on a story about whether paper is made out of trees or if trees are made out of paper. How do we know it’s not the other way around? We always say paper comes from trees, but if all paper is made from trees, then doesn’t that mean that all trees are made of paper? Yeah, it kind of does meant that.

Think about it.

I don’t want to give all my news stories away but I’m in the newsroom now and I’m not going to hold back. So get ready to know the news in new and different ways. Like, are babies really small adults or are adults really big babies?  I’m full of this kind of shit.

Donovan is an intern for Coma News.

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