Jabba The Hutt Predicts Football Games Week 6
Last Week- 3 – 1
Season- 8 – 8
I’m Jabba The Hutt. You may know me best for my appearance in several Star Wars Movies films. But my friends know me as basically a chilled-out dude who enjoys spending a Sunday in the Fall watching football and eating 100 Grand candy bars.
Progress! For those of you have have written to me to ask about my on-going litigation with the Pizza Hut pizza company, this was a big week for me. I drafted a very strong, yet professional letter to the manager of my local Pizza Hut as I continue to implore them to change their name to avoid further postal service confusion. I have included a copy of the letter at the end of this article for your review. I think this very frustrating chapter of my life may finally be coming to a close (fingers crossed!).
Speaking of coming to a close (“What’s that? Jabba The Hutt can seamlessly seque from one topic to another? But, he’s just some bloated, globular creature without a brain!!” Wrong! I’m a complex, happy-go-lucky dude who is just a comfortable playing World of Warcraft until 4 a.m. as I am playing Call of Duty on the xBox until 2:30 in the morning)…wait. I forgot where I was.
Oh! Yes. Speaking of coming to a close, Jabba is now .500 on his picks for the season. This is turning into a really great week for me.
Here are your sure-fire picks of the week…
Pittsburgh Steelers at Miami Dolphins
The game against Philadelphia seems to be a distant memory at this point as the Steelers continue to look like the Super Bowl contender we expected at the start of the season. Miami, on the other hand, continues to be a mess. The dynamic Pittsburgh offense gets in the end zone early and often in this contest as Jabba is going with the road team for the big win.
PITTSBURGH 30 MIAMI 13
San Francisco 49ers at Buffalo Bills
The 49ers made a very unsurprising move this week by naming Colin Kaepernick the starter for this week’s game against the suddenly hot Buffalo Bills. Kaepernick would seem to be the perfect quarterback for Chip Kelly’s offense, but so many questions remain. Like, how do you spell Kaepernick? Ha ha ha, ho ho ho. “What is this? Jabba has a sense of humor?” Yes! I love to laugh. I actually own the entire library of Law & Order TV shows, including all the spin-offs. So…I like Buffalo to continue their hot streak and win at home.
BUFFALO 27 SAN FRANCISCO 17
Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks
Two really good teams. Offense versus defense. Loud stadium. Mentor versus protege. Dan Quinn, in his second year as Falcons’ coach is building something special in Atlanta. Just like his former boss, the guy who coaches the Seahawks, has built in Seattle. I’m still concerned with Seattle’s offense and their ability to be consistently effective. I like Atlanta to finish their brutal two-game road trip with a win over the Seahawks.
ATLANTA 20 SEATTLE 16
Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers
This will be the Cowboys’ first trip to Lambeau Field since the infamous “no-catch” call in the playoffs a couple years ago. While Green Bay has struggled to get their offense humming this season, their defense has been solid. Same with the Cowboys. The difference in this game will be Aaron Rodgers versus the (impressive) rookie Dak Prescott. Rodgers will make just enough plays to help the Packers pull this game out on a late field goal.
GREEN BAY 24 DALLAS 22
And now, for those of you who have been following by battle with Pizza Hut pizza company, I wanted to share with you the strongly-worded letter I sent to Pizza Hut pizza company this week. I think this give you an idea of what I’ve been dealing with.
Ms. Bambi Guererro
Pizza Hut Pizza Company Chain
21342 Saint Andrews Blvd. #250
Boca Raton, FL 33433
Dear Pizza Hut Person,
I am writing you a letter because I’m getting pretty angry about the fact that the United States Postal Service continues to mix up our mail. I get a shit-ton of your mail each week and I’m guessing you get a lot of mine. LOL!
By the way, are you a girl or a boy? You’re name is Bambi, which seems like a girl’s name, but in the movie “Bambi”, Bambi was a boy. I guess it doesn’t really matter, just curious. Jabba’s getting off track! Ha ha ha ho ho ho!
This mail mix up may not be a big deal to you, but it is to me. I recently missed an important invoice from a vendor, which made me late on my payment. Now I have to pay for all merchandise up front!
I would like to suggest you consider changing the name of your business. I would change my name, but my legal, birth-given name is Jabba The Hutt. Seems odd I would have to make that kind of sacrifice as I am a real-life person and you are a company.
To help you with this process, I’ve included some suggestions below. At this point, we’re just spit-balling some ideas. I’m sure your fancy marketing people can workshop these a bit to fine tune them. It’s just a jumping off point, but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what you see…
– Pizza House
-The Pizza House
-Pizza Garage (a personal favorite of mine)
-Fort Pizza (kind of a ‘switch-em-up’ on the last one)
-The Pizza Club
-Business That Sells Pizza
-Small Grass Dwelling Pizza Place (maintains essence of “hut”)
– Boba’s Pizza Palace (let that asshole deal with some of the mail issues I’ve been living with! LOL!!)
Again, these are just suggestions. Any name change will do as long as you remove the word “Hut” from yourname. I appreciate you taking this into consideration and wait patiently for your reply.
Jabba The Hutt