By Robert McGuiness, Special Reporter Coma News Daily, Not an Alcoholic
Following a recent and public faux pas in which Coma Mayor Dave Anderson mistook resident Earl Hogue for a woman, new polls indicate the race for the mayor’s office is wide open.
“Everybody is freaking out about this but if you’re going to wash your car in short, cut-off jeans with your blonde hair pulled back in a pony tail, you’re going to get a few catcalls here and there,” Anderson said.
While driving through town last weekend, Anderson made several sexually-charged comments toward Hogue, who was washing his car in his driveway. Witnesses claim the mayor drove by at least three times. In each pass, he launched in to either crude pick-up lines, whistling or a mix of whooping and hollering.
“It was awkward,” Coma resident Johnson Pittman said. Pittman witnessed the ordeal from across the street. “The first time I heard someone yell something about low-fat Ranch dressing and I turned around and saw the mayor’s car driving by and he was all hanging out the window shouting toward Earl, who just kept on washing his car.”
According to eye witnesses, the mayor yelled “I’m gonna come back in a few minutes with some creamy, low-fat Ranch dressing and eat your salad baby,” as he passed by the first time.
The mayor drove around the block and returned a few minutes later. This time, he slowed his car down and started whistling.
“I think he said something like ‘hey honey, why don’t we grab some cottage cheese and make us some oatmeal,'” Pittman recalled. “It was really confusing on so many levels. There was the fact he was making those comments to Earl, who is a man. And then there was the reference to cottage cheese and the implication that it was somehow an ingredient in oatmeal. Very, very peculiar.”
Anderson admitted he momentarily mistook Hogue for a woman, but claimed it was an honest mistake.
“I didn’t see his face,” Anderson said. “All I saw was his behind, and in those jeans it kind of looked like he had a woman’s behind. It’s not that big of a deal.”
The latest misstep by the mayor follows a series of recent bans that have many in Coma reconsidering the upcoming mayoral election. According the most recent polls, Anderson is nearly neck-and-neck with his top challenger, Russel Stonewall.
One analyst, who wished to remain anonymous, said the mayor has hit a cold streak and had better turn things around in a hurry with the election less than a month away.
The Band (or Coma Town Council), pictured here in the 60s, is using the new music to help the younger generations understand how wonderful they were and are.
“The mayor has hit a cold streak and he had better turn things around in a hurry with the election less than a month away,” the analyst said.
For his part, Hogue said there were no hard feelings.
“I guess it’s flattering,” the long-time Coma resident said. “I mean, it’s really, really weird, especially when he said something about my rear end and Ciabatta bread, but I guess I can understand that I may have looked like a woman from behind.”
Anderson had no further comment on the matter. The mayoral election will take place on Tuesday, November 3rd.