Worm Licensure Sparks Windfall, Litter

By Thomas Steven John, Coma News Future Reporter


The first weekend of Coma’s new requirement that fisherman obtain per-worm permits will garner the town’s largest fishing fee-related revenue to-date. It also will spur much larger trash clean up costs.

The short- to mid-term budget impacts of the worm fee came to this reporter in a peyote-fueled fever dream.

The so-called crappy fisherman fee was spurred by the lack of Coma fisherman buying fishing licenses because they never catch anything anyway.
“A river runs through our parks and rec budget when none of these guys feel like they need a license,” Coma Town Councilman Bob Smith-Smith, said during his summer-long hiatus from official duties.

People in Coma love to fish and fish love the people of Coma.

People in Coma love to fish and fish love the people of Coma.

As a totally unexpected consequence of the worm fee, which will raise nearly $11,000 this coming weekend, fisherman will switch to a variety of other bait, including bread, hot dogs, beer can parts, cigarette butts, Styrofoam pieces and chewing tobacco tins.
After widespread and summer-long use of pretty much whatever is lying around inside the boat as alternative bait, the town’s lakes, streams and ponds will require an unprecedented $500,000 clean up effort.
“I sincerely doubt anyone would go to such ludicrous lengths to avoid a perfectly reasonable $5 per worm fee,” Town Council-member Natalie Peters, said about the litter. She then launched into an extended tambourine solo with her band.
Lifelong fisherman Doctor Jimmy said the fish “had it coming,” when told about the coming trash tsunami.
“They think they can just take my bait over and over again with no consequences” Dr. Jimmy said about the fish. “Unbelievable.”

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