Why Middle Aged Guys Need Hope: An LOL Mystery

By MaryBell Davis, 25 years old, amazing blogger of amazing things

It’s a mystery why time is sooo complicated.

Remember when I solved the mystery of how dumb a wheelbarrow is? It’s now time for me to solve one of the major mysteries of time.

How are so many people born in the wrong time and have to end up with someone 20 years younger?

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Time is complicated but also complicated is my friend Hope’s  career. She is a successful table waiting professional. But she also dreams of being a writer and an artist on canvas and of course has hopes to finish her graduate degree in Library Science (so important because someone has to sit in a dumb library all day).

Hope’s love life is the most complicated part.

Hope dreams of one day marrying a rich dude who is her age, with six pack abs, who is the next Picasso–except no ear cutting, so gross. And yet, she’s dating a guy who is in his mid-40s, who is balding.

At first I thought, ‘Gross, it’s so 1920’s to have a guy 20 years older taking care of you’ but then I realized they have so much in common.

When Hope was learning to ride a bike at 10 years old,  her “daddy-boi” was finally getting car rental discounts as an adult driver.

When Hope was going through puberty and had her first kiss, her DB Rob was going through his wedding and becoming a father.

When Rob was figuring out a 401k strategy and weighing life insurance options, Hope was figuring out which prom dress to wear and how to write an essay about that dress to get into college.

By the time Hope was graduating from high school and leaving her parents, her big boi was going through a life crisis, major therapy, leaving his wife, and learning how bad divorce can screw with his finances.

It’s like they were living the same life in different times.

They like the same music, even though for DB “No Sleep til Brooklyn” was about bad boys skipping high school classes, and for Hope it’s an easy listening song that helps her fall asleep.

There are old ladies who say, “Hope doesn’t get it. She’s too young to get it.” But they have children, were divorced for obvious reasons, and kind of suck.

And when guys say, “What the hell was I thinking when I blew my life up for this?” they’re just bitter.

This is a new generation. We have CGI tattoos, unlimited selfies, photo bombs, and more meaning than any relationship has  ever had.

So, congrats Gen-X, guys. You get to know the amazing minds, imaginations and dreams of Millennial chicks, who rock!

And FYI, Hope just broke up with her boyfriend after they got in a fight over whether Van Halen was a type of car. So she’s totally available, guys.

Daddy Warbucks: how’s the job search coming Marybell?

Marybell: It’s slow going Daddy but I think I finally realize how important it is for Hope to be there for old guys.

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