Three Struck in Snatch and Soar

by Coma News Daily Staff

Three Coma residents fell victim this week to an increasingly violent crime wave, according to the Sheriff’s Office.
All three were mugged with varying degrees of violence by a group of “wild” perpetrators, according to law enforcement.
“The suspects are described as average geese of medium height and wingspan, without any distinguishing birth marks or tattoos,” said Coma Sheriff Paul T. Frostnib.

In two instances, victims had their purses ripped out of their hands as the winged assailants fly past but in at least one case a man was knocked to the ground and had his wallet taken when he threw it in self defense, police said.
“These guys are not messing around and yes, we are worried they are becoming increasingly peckish,” Frostnib said.
The sheriff’s advice to increasingly terrified town residents included:

• Watch the male goose. If he sounds a warning, leave the area.

• Do not show fear. A show of fear may increase the intensity of the attack.

• Maintain direct eye contact. Geese interpret loss of eye contact as fear.

• Stay calm. Don’t yell or try to hit them, or others may join the attack.

• Keep your chest and face pointed at the goose. Never turn your back on it.

• Walk slowly backwards if it hisses at you or spreads its wings. Use peripheral vision to avoid tripping over obstacles.

“And may God not abandon us in our hour of peril,” Frostnib said.

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