By Coma Physician Dr. Jimmy
Since going on line on the computer world nearly three months ago, a lot of citizens have been asking me if it’s safe to be using computers to read news and information and to do other things. I wanted to take a moment to reassure the citizens of Coma that for the most part, the internet and computers are relatively safe.
Furthermore, it is highly unlikely that a computer or an internet can be used as a violent weapon. While it is physically possible for someone to wield a personal computer hard drive or a monitor to inflict pain and suffering on another human being, it is no different than a television in that regard.
Therefore, I am rating the internet and/or computer as a six on Dr. Jimmy’s “Object as a Practical Tool of Violence” Meter. This is slightly higher than a microwave oven and a little less than a manhole cover or denim pants. For reference sake, an abbreviated version of the meter is included below.
Dr. Jimmy’s Object As A Practical Tool of Violence Meter
10- Hand grenades, firearms, swords, Katana Samurai swords, cannons, heavy artillery
9- Broken glass, fireworks, Legos, battery acid, baseball bats (wood)
8- Bag of batteries, cantaloupe, saw, hammer, toothbrush whittled to a fine point
7- BB gun, peanut brittle, baseball bats (aluminum), manhole cover, water (frozen)
6- Monopoly game pieces, tire iron, internet, scissors, raw spaghetti noodles
5- Stick, microwave oven, pretzels, rolled up magazine, toaster oven
4- Traditional Baatwon “Rabies” Stick, keys, lobster claw, 2.5 lb. dumbbell
3- Captain CrunStickch Cereal, hard boiled eggs, elastic bands, gloves/mittens
2- Photographs of horses, cassette tapes, grass clippings, yogurt
1- Chewed banana, water (unfrozen), hair, letters of the alphabet