Team Parent Competition Heats Up

By Coma News Staff
Don’t let the unseasonably mild August fool you: the tension between Coma football parents is heating up and the kerfuffle is not over concussions.

The seasonal effort of the Over-Invested–as some coaches have begun calling the most active parents–kicked off with an unsolicited team speech by a father and assistant coach of the Coma Crawfish 9-10 year old’s football team.

“This season will be a success only if other teams a literally afraid of being being tackled and gnawed to death by our boys,” said Jax Owen who is a local businessman, father and is running for a council seat this fall in Coma.


Meanwhile, Sadie Cracker, a leader of less actively engaged parents–known as the Sleepytime Club–organized an intra-practice happy hour of team moms at a nearby restaurant earlier in the week. “I hope my boys don’t actually play this year.” she said. “I am only here because they need excersize and this is the only organized sport in Coma. I  really don’t want them to play or get hurt.”
“I feel pretty good about the mix of parents,” said Dr Jimmy, head coach for the Coma Crawfish 6-8 year olds. “A good mix of crazy and laconic helps move this mess forward without–usually–going completely off the rails.”

Dr. Jimmy said he’s got his eye on a couple of “hot prospects” among the team moms but is waiting to see if they fall in the insanely competitive or insanely lazy camps.

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