Tag: valentines day

Hey Girl, Jax Owen Knows How You Want To Be Made Love to this Valentine’s Day

By Coma Resident and Business Owner, Jax Owen

It’s Valentine’s Day again. You should spend it with me, Jax Owen. Yes, THAT Jax Owen. I own and operate the used car lot in town.

We could have fun hanging out at my place. You could bring over some groceries and make me supper. What’s that baby? You’ve been on your feet all day? No worries, I have some Therafit Women’s Slip-On casual shoes (size 7) for you to wear. It’ll be like walking on clouds while you work in the kitchen.

You’re welcome baby. I’m here for you. I will literally be in the next room watching season two of Ice Road Truckers the entire time.

jax 2

ABOVE: Jax Owen wants to spoil a girl this Valentine’s Day

Once supper is ready, you can set out the TV trays. The good TV trays. The Winsome 5 Piece Set from Hayneedle.com. This is a special night after all. This is our night. And our night is all about you, buttercup.

After supper you can clean the kitchen and get after those dirty dishes. What did you say baby? You’re worried about your hands chaffing from all that dirty dish water?

Don’t worry, Ladybug. Jax has you covered. Slip on a pair of the Playtex Living Premium Protection Cleaning Gloves I picked up for you. It will be like you’re washing the dishes with clouds on your hands.

This night is all about you. You are my girl tonight. Maybe not last night and probably not tomorrow night. But tonight, you’re mine. And I’m going to spoil the hell out of you.

Baby, I’ve been so good to you. But Jax needs a little favor. Could you bring me two more Keystone beers for me and my brother Randy? We’re just sitting here on the couch, watching Ice Road Truckers and drinking some Keystone. But I’m here for YOU. I just don’t want to get up right now because I just ate dinner and the show is getting really good.

I’m sorry for not telling you Randy was coming over. It was kind of a last-minute thing. But he’s been feeling down because both his dogs have worms and he’s been spending a shit-ton of cash on worm medicine. But he really enjoyed the dinner you made. He said you were a “good” cook.

Hey girl. Looks like you’re done with those dishes. You’re so sexy when you look exhausted. But now it’s my turn to spoil you.

Let’s escape to my bedroom during the next commercial break. And don’t worry. I told Randy to turn up the volume on the TV real loud. He won’t be able to hear a thing. Now, turn around.

Oh baby. That was so much fun. And we didn’t even miss any of the show.

It’s getting late though. Remember I told you I have that thing tomorrow morning? I have to be up real early. I think Randy and I are just going to finish up this Ice Road Trucker marathon and then hit the sack.

But don’t you worry. Jax didn’t forget about you. You know that box of original-flavor Slim Jim meat sticks on the counter in the kitchen? I want you to grab a handful on your way out. Take as many as you like. I mean, don’t take the whole box. But, a half dozen or so would be cool. I buy them in bulk.

I like you girl. I’m so happy you chose to spend your Valentine’s Day with Jax Owen. I enjoyed doing romance on you. And I enjoyed the love making too. Happy Valentine’s Day girl.




Wanted: Let’s Hang on Valentine’s Day if You Want

“Stoner” Steve Phillips wants to know if anybody wants to come over and hang out and smoke some weed on Valentine’s Day

If any lady wants to come over and hang out on Valentine’s Day that would be cool with me. Just scored some wicked White Willow and will be rolling that stuff all night. If possible, could you please bring some Pringles Extreme Torchin’ Tamale chips? It will be totally laid back.

If things go well, I might break out my bag of Himalayan Haze and we can smoke that out of my Stratosphere Bong. Up to you. Hey, if you have an extra pair of shoes or some other foot clothing, could you maybe bring that with you cause I lost all my shoes and stuff last week.

If you want to watch the 48 Hours TV show, we can do that.

If things are still cool after that, we can go to my bedroom and just chill in my bed in the nude. NO EXPECTATIONS and NO PRESSURE!  Just a guy and a female lady laying in my bed naked and chilling. I don’t get hung up on keeping track of how much of my weed you smoked all night and I don’t think that just because you smoked some of my Blueberry Kush or Vertigo Hypnosis that you owe me sex or anything.

I got some oils too and if all we are doing is laying there in my bed and being naked, there’s no reason we couldn’t rub some of that oil on each other’s bodies and stuff. But we will play it by ear. And just because I’m suggesting we oil each other’s bodies with massage oil while laying in my bed naked and completely baked out of our minds on Valentine’s Day night, doesn’t mean I’m suggesting we have sexual intercourse. I’m not a jerk.

Let me know. It will be totally cool and I’m a really good dude.