Tag: Travel

“Suspiciously Tall” Man Asked to Leave Town Tour

by Coma News Staff

An unusually tall visitor was asked to leave a sightseeing tour recently after the tour guide grew suspicious about the man’s extraordinary height.

“If you’re trying to get one over on me, it’s probably not going to work,” Coma Land Mine Tour guide, Micah Horncraft said. “If you’re tall, that’s cool. I have nothing against that. But THAT tall? Come on man. Something’s up.”

According to witnesses, the tour began near O’Bert’s Grassy Pee Spot. After Horncraft discussed the history of the location, the group was ready to move on to the area behind the bus stop on Sixth Street when Horncraft stopped the tour.

“He told everybody to stop walking and said there was something ‘amiss’,” one witness said. “Then he pointed to this really tall guy and told him to step out. It was really awkward.”

ABOVE: Tour Guide, Micah Horncraft, stands near O’Bert’s Grassy Pee Spot where he recently removed a “suspiciously” tall guest. “A guy that tall’s got to be hiding something,” Horncraft said.

Horncraft reportedly told the man he was no longer welcome to continue the tour, apologized for the inconvenience and invited the man to return at a later date at no charge if he should “become a less-suspicious height.”

“I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, for any reason,” Horncraft said. “And when you walk into my tour group and are the tallest human being in the history of the world, you’re gonna get checked at the door.”

Several eyewitness said they were surprised by Horncraft’s actions, especially because they didn’t find the visitor to be “that tall.”

“He was maybe six foot three or six four,” one eyewitness said. “He wasn’t tall enough to make you want to call authorities.”

Horncraft said it was only the second time he’s removed someone from his tour, citing a similar incident in 2011 when one of the guests was excused for having “too bushy of a beard.”

“I hate asking people to leave the tour,” Horncraft said. “But you come at me too tall or…too much facial hair, you’re just asking for it. I didn’t cause that guy to leave the tour. He caused it himself.”

Horncraft said the rest of the tour was uneventful.


Opinion: My Friend Went to South Sudan and Didn’t Get Me a Cool Souvenir

by Stan Bargmeyer, Coma News Daily intern

A friend of mine recently traveled to Juba, South Sudan and he didn’t even bring me back a cool souvenir.  It really bothered me because I thought for sure I would get a cool key chain or a coffee mug with a funny saying on it like “You’re Drinking Java In A Mug From Juba” or something memorable like that.  But he didn’t bring me back anything at all.

When I asked him about it, he said he was too busy working to help build fresh-water wells to provide drinking water to local villages in the area.  He also said it wasn’t “that kind of trip.”


ABOVE: According to my friend, there is a “shortage” of “clean” drinking water in South Sudan. Apparently there is also a “shortage” of postcards because I didn’t get any.

I have a hard time believing he didn’t have at least ten minutes to pop into an ABC Store or some local souvenir shop that sells cool t-shirts that have pictures of wolves or dolphins on them or maybe a bag of some local nut or fruit covered in chocolate.  What I think really happened was he forgot about me.  He probably bought souvenirs for all his other friends but not me.  And then when he realized he failed to get me something he made up a story about how impoverished the region is and they don’t have souvenir shops and he was only there to work and help people have greater access to clean drinking water.


ABOVE: Even a cool neon vest like the one pictured above would have been a nice souvenir.

ABOVE: Even a cool neon vest like the one pictured above would have been a nice souvenir.

People dont’t go to fun, exotic places like Juba, South Sudan and NOT get souvenirs for their closest friends.  Maybe he lost track of his souvenir shopping list in between Mai-Tais or Pina Coladas.  Maybe he spent all his money on a zip-line excursion through the rich, fertile jungles of South Sudan. Whatever his reason, I just wish he would be honest with me and tell me he forgot to get me something.

Like a beach towel featuring images of South Sudan’s most popular tourist attractions or native wildlife.  Or even a baseball cap with a fun saying on it like “Chillin’ Juba Style”.

I don’t think it would have been too much to ask of him to get a small gift or token to show he was thinking of me while enjoying the all-inclusive amenities of what was certainly a top-notch hotel resort.  Maybe he’s not really a friend after all.

Swimming With The Dolphins Not What You Think It Is

Special Guest Editorial by Coma Mayor Dave Anderson

I recently returned from a two-day vacation in exotic Hawaii.  I enjoy getting away on short vacations whenever I can.  Last year I traveled to Spain for several hours and the chance to get away from the day-to-day routines and spend an afternoon in a foreign land is a great way to re-charge my battery.

This was my first trip to Hawaii (pronounced Huh-Why-Ee) and I was particularly excited about one of our planned excursions; swimming with dolphins. For me, this was to be the highlight of my trip. The idea of spending a couple hours in the pool with some of my all-time favorite former Miami Dolphins football players was very exciting and I looked forward to it like a child might look forward to Christmas morning.

So you can imagine my tremendous disappointment when upon my arrival I noticed a lagoon-style pool littered with actual dolphins.  Not ‘Dolphins.’  Apparently this is a popular activity for visitors to this foreign land. Well it would be nice if the people in charge made it clear in their advertising that no current or former NFL players and Miami Dolphins were involved in this excursion.  Nowhere in their literature or website does it state such a thing.  It is misleading.

I thought I would get a chance to have a splash fight with hall-of-famer and former Dolphin Larry Csonka. But I didn't because the stupid thing didn't include any Miami Dolphins. Just real dolphins.

I thought I would get a chance to have a splash fight with hall-of-famer and former Dolphin Larry Csonka. But I didn’t because the stupid thing didn’t include any Miami Dolphins. Just real dolphins.

Instead of frolicking in the pool with the likes of Bob Griese, Larry Csonka or Dan Marino, I’m stuck petting the dorsal fin of a water mammal and smiling for photographs with Flipper.  There were no chicken fights with all-time Dolphins greats like Mercury Morris or Nick Buoniconti.  No games of Marco Polo with Mark Duper or Larry Little.  Not even a chance to pants a guy like Paul Warfield.  Just hanging out in a pool of water that was likely full of wild animal droppings

The lesson in all of this is simple; do your homework, read the fine print and don’t get suckered in to a tourist trap/scam like I did.  I hope by sharing this story that others will avoid the mistake I made.