Tag: share the road

Outdoor Exercise Class ‘Spins’ Out of Control

By Coma News Staff

Following a mobile spin class accident that injured six people, the Coma Town Council is reconsidering a previous resolution encouraging residents to get “more outdoor activity”.

The injuries occured after Marybell Davis, a local resident, created a new exercise class that mounted stationary spin equipment on a flatbed truck and drove students around town.

Repeated injuries occurred as the truck stopped suddenly for cows, people, and slow moving vehicles–like the bus for the Coma active living community.

“It was a great idea until we realized that we would have to stop for essentially anything that moves.” said Sadie Cracker who was driving the truck. “The idea of being outside and moving while on a stationary bike was amazing until the reality of a flatbed truck sunk in”.
Putting the cycling excersize class on a flatbed blaring music added a new dangerous 'spin' to the activity.

Putting the cycling exercise class on a flat bed blaring music added a new dangerous ‘spin’ to the activity.

Three people received minor concussions from falling off the the flatbed truck. Four people had sprains and one person had a broken arm. Stan Bargemeyer of Coma stubbed his toe while trying to climb in to the truck.

“I thought since we tied all the bikes down real tight everything would be fine.” said Marybell Davis, Coma private investigator and mobile spin class creator, who added “LOL.”

There are many ideas proposed to add “safety ” to the curriculum of the mobile flatbed outdoor spin class. One idea from Mayor Anderson was to “ride a bicycle outside, instead.” But that was rejected by members of the Town Council, including Natalie Peters who said that “wasn’t enough.” Peters suggested seat belts, protective body suits with padding and maybe even NASCAR-themed helmets for the-outdoor-flat-bed-spin students.

Pants-Related Plebiscite Planned

By Coma News Staff

Coma residents will get a chance to reconsider both a recent ban on all non-horse-driven transportation in town and a large neighborhood’s new clothing rules.
The popular vote–scheduled for June 15–is the only law-making tool available due to the Town Council’s summer-long, music-related hiatus.

 

This woman in Coma is riding without pants but the dress provides protection which may be another option for citizens of Coma.

This woman in Coma is riding without pants but the dress provides protection which may be another option for citizens of Coma.

The planned vote to reverse an earlier plebiscite banning non-equestrian traffic in town followed several “saddle-related” injuries.
“Let’s just say people should wear pants when horseback riding,” said Dr. Jimmy, a Coma physician who treated several residents.
The injuries also included several concussions.
“Who seriously thinks a fancy hat provides any horse riding protection, whatsoever?” Dr. Jimmy said. “Apparently, a lot of people.”

Justin Bieber can wear a fancy hat and no shirt while riding a horse but this is not something that should be attempted by non celebrity horseback riders.

Justin Bieber can wear a fancy hat and no shirt while riding a horse but this is not something that should be attempted by non celebrity horseback riders.

The possible horse-transport reversal came shortly after equestrian lovers were celebrating the announcement that pants-less riding will be added to next year’s Sixth Annual Coma Games.

“I have come to realize that few thrills in life can compare to pant-less dressage,” said Davis Montgomery, publisher of Coma News and the driving force behind the town’s horse riding requirement which has benefited his horse farm.
“Hopefully these car- and attire-addicted zombies will not vote to send us back to that madness.”