Tag: NFL

Swimming With The Dolphins Not What You Think It Is

May. 05 Opinion no comments
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Special Guest Editorial by Coma Mayor Dave Anderson

I recently returned from a two-day vacation in exotic Hawaii.  I enjoy getting away on short vacations whenever I can.  Last year I traveled to Spain for several hours and the chance to get away from the day-to-day routines and spend an afternoon in a foreign land is a great way to re-charge my battery.

This was my first trip to Hawaii (pronounced Huh-Why-Ee) and I was particularly excited about one of our planned excursions; swimming with dolphins. For me, this was to be the highlight of my trip. The idea of spending a couple hours in the pool with some of my all-time favorite former Miami Dolphins football players was very exciting and I looked forward to it like a child might look forward to Christmas morning.

So you can imagine my tremendous disappointment when upon my arrival I noticed a lagoon-style pool littered with actual dolphins.  Not ‘Dolphins.’  Apparently this is a popular activity for visitors to this foreign land. Well it would be nice if the people in charge made it clear in their advertising that no current or former NFL players and Miami Dolphins were involved in this excursion.  Nowhere in their literature or website does it state such a thing.  It is misleading.

I thought I would get a chance to have a splash fight with hall-of-famer and former Dolphin Larry Csonka. But I didn't because the stupid thing didn't include any Miami Dolphins. Just real dolphins.

I thought I would get a chance to have a splash fight with hall-of-famer and former Dolphin Larry Csonka. But I didn’t because the stupid thing didn’t include any Miami Dolphins. Just real dolphins.

Instead of frolicking in the pool with the likes of Bob Griese, Larry Csonka or Dan Marino, I’m stuck petting the dorsal fin of a water mammal and smiling for photographs with Flipper.  There were no chicken fights with all-time Dolphins greats like Mercury Morris or Nick Buoniconti.  No games of Marco Polo with Mark Duper or Larry Little.  Not even a chance to pants a guy like Paul Warfield.  Just hanging out in a pool of water that was likely full of wild animal droppings

The lesson in all of this is simple; do your homework, read the fine print and don’t get suckered in to a tourist trap/scam like I did.  I hope by sharing this story that others will avoid the mistake I made.

 

 

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Team Parent Competition Heats Up

Aug. 06 News no comments
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By Coma News Staff
Don’t let the unseasonably mild August fool you: the tension between Coma football parents is heating up and the kerfuffle is not over concussions.

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The seasonal effort of the Over-Invested–as some coaches have begun calling the most active parents–kicked off with an unsolicited team speech by a father and assistant coach of the Coma Crawfish 9-10 year old’s football team.

“This season will be a success only if other teams a literally afraid of being being tackled and gnawed to death by our boys,” said Jax Owen who is a local businessman, father and is running for a council seat this fall in Coma.

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Meanwhile, Sadie Cracker, a leader of less actively engaged parents–known as the Sleepytime Club–organized an intra-practice happy hour of team moms at a nearby restaurant earlier in the week. “I hope my boys don’t actually play this year.” she said. “I am only here because they need excersize and this is the only organized sport in Coma. I  really don’t want them to play or get hurt.”
“I feel pretty good about the mix of parents,” said Dr Jimmy, head coach for the Coma Crawfish 6-8 year olds. “A good mix of crazy and laconic helps move this mess forward without–usually–going completely off the rails.”

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Dr. Jimmy said he’s got his eye on a couple of “hot prospects” among the team moms but is waiting to see if they fall in the insanely competitive or insanely lazy camps.

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Healing Hearts One Ball at a Time

Jun. 23 Sports no comments
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By Coma News Staff

When local resident and Coma basketball celebrity Micah Horncraft launched a basketball camp this summer for aspiring superstar students the unexpected happened: Hearts were healed. 
Horncraft launched the camp, Dream Team, less than a year after he went unselected in the 2013 NBA draft.
“I knew it was no sure thing since I had never played team basketball but it was still devastating,” Horncraft said about his NBA experience.
But failing to garner interest from a single NBA team was still enough to propel Horncraft into the ranks of local celebrity, which attracted a capacity inaugural class to his basketball camp for local teens and young adults.
“It’s kind of cool because, you know, he was almost in the NBA, or whatever,” said Chase Donovan, a camp enrollee.
“His drills are really different.”
Horncraft’s camp also has drawn attention for its enrollees’ participation in various activities that appear unrelated to basketball, such as helping him curate his museum.
“It’s amazing that even cut-rate local celebrity turns people into drooling zombies,” said Robert McGuiness, the only middle-aged camp enrollee.
It remains to be seen if any Dream Team graduates will go on to fame and fortune but Horncraft already considers the camp a success.
“Helping kids and that older gentleman has really allowed me to heal from my heartbreaking experience with the NBA,” Horncraft said.
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Horncraft, above, said he  is considering next launching an all-star ultimate fighting academy.

Horncraft, who was not invited to participate in any pre-draft workouts or camps, said a lot of getting drafted has more to do with “who you know” and indicated he would work harder over the next year to develop contacts “in the right circles.”

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