Tag: Mystery solved

Mystery Solved: No Breakfast at the Breakfast Club

The following is one in a series of intermittent excerpts from Coma residents’ blogs published by Coma News as a community service

 

By Marybell Davis, 27 years old, awesome blogger of awesome things and Coma private detective

Daddy Warbucks: Summer’s here, Marybell. What about getting a summer job? Since you are certified in lifesaving you could lifeguard, right?

Me: Daddy, have you heard of skin cancer? It’s everywhere where people are under the Sun. Why don’t you fax yourself back to the future where the sun was safe? I’ve got a mystery to solve.

Then I went to the local coffee shop in town. It’s a Starbucks right next to the Blair Witch Walking Park where all the old women go to hang out with their small children (gross) and talk about times in the olden days when they were young and hot and men liked them. Not sure I really believe that but whatever.

secretoftthebiologicalclock

So, one woman had this screaming kid because apparently that’s what kids do when they are out anywhere in public and she says to another one “Remember the Breakfast Club? Where did that go? We were so relevant.”

Finally, another mystery for me to solve. Where is the Breakfast Club? It sounds delicious. So I went inside and googled it. A picture of Denny’s filled with white-haired old people popped up, followed by a movie called the ‘Breakfast Club.’ People were wearing shoulder pads and looked really horrible because it was the ‘80s, so I guess that’s what these women were talking about. I decided to watch the movie on my phone to get some clues about where this club went.

First, it’s not a club at all. Secondly, it’s detention and no one does detention anymore because that wouldn’t be fair to all the kids who aren’t in detention. Third—and this is the most important part—how in the heck could these kids be confined to a small space filled with books (gross) without any cell phone, Twitter, Facebook (boring), or Snapchat to update people. Not to mention text. NO ONE WAS TEXTING. They were passing pieces of paper? Don’t you know you’re killing a tree?

So I went back outside the coffee shop where the women were still sitting. The kid was still screaming and there was another small kid banging his head against a wall and saying “milk, milk, milk.” And there was a mom breastfeeding so I don’t understand why there wasn’t enough “milk.”

“I miss the old days when we were hot and cool,” said the mom with a baby attached (gross).

“I know. Those days were so great. Like we really talked to each other,” the other one while she texted on her iphone.

“You guys.” I said. “I solved the mystery of your breakfast club. It’s over because everyone realized there was never any breakfast there. So! Dumb!”

And I turned and walked away.

Where in the World Cup: an LOL Detective Mystery

The following is one in a series of intermittent excerpts from Coma residents’ blogs published by Coma News as a community service.

 

Marybell Davis, 25 years old, Amazing life lived, Awesome blogger of Awesome things

 

My dad doesn’t understand how hard it is to start a business. It takes time. You have to build a reputation. That’s why I just solved my biggest mystery yet: the history of World Cup geography.

People have been asking “Where is Ghana?” “Where is the Netherlands?” “What is a North Korea?”

worldcupofeverything

Imagine we’re at a bar and my beautiful Kate Spade clutch is flanked by a ketchup bottle, vinegar (gross), a knife and a fork. Basically, my amazing embroidered clutch (America) is surrounded on all sides by sticky bar condiments (the world).

Where is North Korea? It’s west of America. Where is Ghana? It’s south of America. Where is England? Its east of America and the vinegar bottle (which they actually put on food).

Is South America south of America? Yes, but Africa also is south of America. Where is North Korea? Trick question: They don’t play soccer!

Now you understand the geography of the World Cup.

Daddy: Get a job, Marybell.
Me: No worries, Daddy. I’m a private dick (still gross). And I am a geography master.

Blog: Mysteries, Check. Money, Ugh!

Editor’s note: As part of Coma News’ community outreach, the following blog excerpt is one of a selection of local online postings we will re-publish by residents and business owners.

Mysteries, Check. Money, Ugh!

Marybell Davis, 25 years old, Amazing life lived, Awesome blogger of Awesome things

Does this sound familiar to anyone else on the Intertubes?

Dad: Marybell, get out of your pajamas and get a job. Are you ever going to move out of my house? I’m not the 25 year old’s daddy-slave.
Well I took statistics in college, Daddy. And it doesn’t take someone with bachelor’s degree in Psychology (go, me) to know that most businesses don’t make money in the first five years.

In the three weeks since I’ve started the LOL Detective Agency I’ve found that there aren’t a lot of mysteries to solve.

That guy “a client” needed details on? Found them.

That time I stayed out in the bushes and watched a “ex-suspect’s” house? Done with it.
My dad says I’m the Nancy Drew of texting and selfies but there was no way that chick would know about stuff like free shipping from Amazon Prime, even though it’s suuuch a good deal.
My Dad thinks I should fall back on my Psychology degree. LOL,not! What does he want me to do read people’s minds?
Just this morning I solved my latest mystery: why our neighbor Marlee Bumgartener doesn’t leave her house. She didn’t ask me to solve this mystery.

I just decided to check it out because someone said “Why doesn’t Marlee  ever leave her house?”
I carefully cased her house for 10 minutes and then asked her dad, who told me in some kind of foreign English (LOL) that “she does not go under the sun leave.” I think he meant she has a sun allergy. Mystery solved.

My dad’s reaction? How much did I get paid?
LOL, Dad.
I still have almost five years to make money in this startup.