Tag: horses

Pants-Related Plebiscite Planned

By Coma News Staff

Coma residents will get a chance to reconsider both a recent ban on all non-horse-driven transportation in town and a large neighborhood’s new clothing rules.
The popular vote–scheduled for June 15–is the only law-making tool available due to the Town Council’s summer-long, music-related hiatus.

 

This woman in Coma is riding without pants but the dress provides protection which may be another option for citizens of Coma.

This woman in Coma is riding without pants but the dress provides protection which may be another option for citizens of Coma.

The planned vote to reverse an earlier plebiscite banning non-equestrian traffic in town followed several “saddle-related” injuries.
“Let’s just say people should wear pants when horseback riding,” said Dr. Jimmy, a Coma physician who treated several residents.
The injuries also included several concussions.
“Who seriously thinks a fancy hat provides any horse riding protection, whatsoever?” Dr. Jimmy said. “Apparently, a lot of people.”

Justin Bieber can wear a fancy hat and no shirt while riding a horse but this is not something that should be attempted by non celebrity horseback riders.

Justin Bieber can wear a fancy hat and no shirt while riding a horse but this is not something that should be attempted by non celebrity horseback riders.

The possible horse-transport reversal came shortly after equestrian lovers were celebrating the announcement that pants-less riding will be added to next year’s Sixth Annual Coma Games.

“I have come to realize that few thrills in life can compare to pant-less dressage,” said Davis Montgomery, publisher of Coma News and the driving force behind the town’s horse riding requirement which has benefited his horse farm.
“Hopefully these car- and attire-addicted zombies will not vote to send us back to that madness.”

 

Prancing Back to The Future

By Thomas Steven John, Future Reporter

Coma residents will soon ask ‘”What the heck is a plebiscite?”
It’s the rarely used legislative tool that’s about to make history–and ban your car, your bike, anything you use to transport yourself from one place to another–Coma News has learned (in a peyote fueled fever dream).

The summer-long hiatus of the Town Council will lead one local activist to propose a popular vote next week to amend the town charter banning the use of any transport but horses in town during daylight hours.

The new sign will read: no motor vehicles, bikes, legs and feet or anything that transports other than a horse.

The new sign will read: no motor vehicles, bikes, legs and feet or anything that transports other than a horse.

The first-of-its-kind vehicular ban was the brainchild of Davis Montgomery, publisher of Coma News.
“Since you’re ruining yet another surprise, you might as well extoll the virtues of the equestrian lifestyle over the cramped and stuffy confines of vehicles,” Montgomery said when asked about the initiative.
Montgomery plans to offer some of his 5,000 horses for lease once the ban is in effect.
The initiative will generate controversy among the subset of residents aware of the legally binding power of even a sparsely attended popular vote. Particularly strong objections will arise from avid bicyclists, every driver in town and people who enjoy walking.
“Where am I supposed to practice my rear wheel hops?” Chase Donovan, a local teen, said when told of the possible ban.
Local parents and daycare operators raised concerns that the vehicular ban would place particular burdens on them.

“Posh, in years past whole families would pile upon a single steed,” Montgomery said. “What’s more, at a single stroke we will resolve our childhood obesity and Type 2 Diabetes crises, as well as our fair town’s less-appreciated manure shortage.”

“Actually horse riding does little for childhood obesity.” said Dr. Jimmy, Coma town physician. “It can help the horse with an obesity issue.”

This horse has an obesity issue and will be helped by the ban.

This horse has an obesity issue and will be helped by the ban.