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1889- “Feather War” Devastates Coma
by Coma Historian and Coma News Daily intern Stan Bargmeyer
Otto Lumpkin’s farm was an unlikely setting for one of Coma’s most notorious chapters. It was there, amidst the fields of cabbage and stew tomatoes, a band of militant and disgruntled Buff Orpington chickens led a hasty and tragic armed revolt against Lumpkin and his family.
The birds fashioned swords out of feathers and surprised Lumpkin at dawn as he was scattering feed to the angry mob. Caught completely off guard by the uprising and fearing for his safety, Lumpkin quickly disarmed the nearly two dozen feather-wielding birds and wrangled them back to their coops. The entire ordeal lasted nearly four minutes and left a deep scar in the human-chicken community for years.
ABOVE: Artist rendering of a chicken clutching an infamous feather sword during the uprising of 1889.
While no serious injuries were reported, Lumpkin noted that several chickens brushed his boots with the feather swords, causing no pain or even slight discomfort.
Local militia were called in following the revolt to help restore order. Several of the birds were sentenced to death and served with cabbage and stewed tomatoes that evening. Others were forced to spend the rest of their lives in captivity.
The ordeal was given the name the “Feather War” by a local reporter who covered the incident for the Coma Daily News in 1889. The tension between humans and chickens continued for several decades, easing slightly during World War I.
Otto Lumpkin is reported to have died in his sleep in 1910 although his death remains controversial to this day as several feathers were found near his bed. Investigators ruled the death from natural causes by many in the community still believe his chickens played a role in his demise.
Invention of Moustache Handlebars Almost Revolutionizes Transportation
Stan Bargmeyer, Coma News Intern and Historian
Invented in Winston Montgomery’s garage in 1894, the mustache handlebars were an instant success and put Coma on the objects-made-from-human-hair map.
Montgomery, who was fascinated by using human hair to construct everything from fake beards, toupees, lollipops and headstones, believed the mustache handlebar would revolutionize transportation by making bicycles more human-like.
In a 1894 article in The National Bicycle magazine, Montgomery wrote; “I take great pride in constructing the first semi-rigid handlebars made entirely from human mustache hair. It is my gift to the world.”
Initial sales of the handlebars were promising but quickly dried up after users complained about the flimsy nature of the device and the inability to steer the bike, which resulted in a number of accidents.
Montgomery ceased production of the mustache handlebars in 1896. The design of the handlebars subsequently inspired a popular facial hair fashion trend.
Stan Bargmeyer, Coma News Intern and Historian
1972- Ladybug Fish Discovered in Coma
by Coma Historian and Intern, Stan Bargmeyer
In the fall of 1972, Coma scientist Richard Van Peele announced his discovery of a new type of fish species; the Ladybug Fish (dominaeinsectum piscor). The discovery sent ripples through the marine biology community as the Ladybug Fish proved to be one of the most unique aquatic mammals ever discovered.
Unlike most fish, the Ladybug Fish lives entirely on land and bears a striking resemblance to a Ladybug. As well, Ladybug Fish do not have gills, are the same size as Ladybugs and look exactly like common Ladybugs in every conceivable manner. In fact, the Ladybug Fish is the only fish in the world that cannot survive under water.
ABOVE: A sketch of the rare Ladybug Fish discovered by Richard Van Peele.
Van Peele, who studied marine biology in his bedroom while holding down two part-time jobs, was a Coma native who later went on to serve as night-time supervisor at the Zip-In Burger on 8th Street in Coma. Van Peele died in 1994.
1921- Cursed Nursing Home Closes Its Doors
By Coma News Intern and Historian Stan Bargmeyer
The O’Brien Family Nursing Home and Community Center closed its doors in February, 1921 amid growing fears by citizens the retirement home was cursed by evil entities of darkness and death.
Rumors about a curse on the facility began following the mysterious and tragic deaths of eight residents within the first three years of operation.
-Jacklyn Severs- Died mysteriously in her sleep at the age of 87.
-Peter Montigue- Died mysteriously in his sleep at the age of 94.
-Richard “Hootie” Davis- Died mysteriously during a nap at the age of 89.
-Clayton Horncraft- Died mysteriously after falling down a flight of stairs at the age of 97.
-Henry R. Prather III- Died mysteriously after choking on a hot dog at the age of 85.
-Bertha Dimwiddle- Died mysteriously following a furnace explosion and fire at the age of 92.
-Mary “Slutty Mary” Dupree- Died mysteriously following a furnace explosion and fire at the age of 101.
-Amos Rivers- Died mysteriously after escaping the nursing home and being run over by a truck at the age of 90.
Concerned about the baffling and unexplained tragedies, Geoffrey O’Brien invited a priest and paranormal expert from the local Coma Catholic church to investigate further. The investigator, Fr. Seamus O’Donnelly, determined the facility was cursed by what was likely a “Demonic Peruvian Deity” that could not be removed by dousing it with a holy water and seltzer concoction since it was the facility that was cursed and not a human being.
Astonishingly, over the next 90 years, everyone who was involved with the operation of the nursing home or the investigation died.
Butter Sword Aimed to Revolutionize Dairy Industry
By Coma Historian and News Intern Stan Bargmeyer
In the fall of 1823, Coma farmer and noted inventor Arwel Hemington stood before a group of American military leaders on his farm just outside town to share what he called “the greatest military invention of the last six-to-eight weeks.” Hemington’s invention was nothing new, but the materials used to create it, he thought, would turn the dairy world, and military conflict upside down.
What Hemington shared on that dreary, cold afternoon on his 43-acre farm was a sword thats blade was made entirely from chilled butter. Upon revealing his latest invention, the assembled group of generals gasped and gaffawed and for a moment seemed completely in awe of Hemington’s innovation.
Hemington’s butter sword (above) was a promising econonmic windfall for dairy farmers.
Hemington later wrote to friends “these men of might and brawn appeared to tremble like small school girls at the sight of the sweet-cream, buttery blade. I knew at once I had them in my grasp and before me I foresaw a future in which battlefields would be strewn with bits of the savory, delicate goodness.”
According to United States Department of Defense records, the United States Army ordered nearly two-thousand butter swords on the spot. Hemington told the group he could produce the weapons at one-half the cost of the standard steel version.
Hemington, who quickly became a hero to dairy farmers throughout the region, delivered the butter swords to Washington DC in person the following spring. Upon arriving in the nation’s capitol, and much to Hemington’s horror, the swords had been reduced to puddles of melted butter as temperatures soared to the upper 50s.
Ashamed and feeling dishonored, Hemington returned to Coma where he spent his remaining years in a self-imposed exile. Although he continued to work on a series of inventions, including a suit of armor made entirely from duck feathers and a catapult that shot buckets of luke-warm water at enemies. Hemington died in 1858.
According to friends, Hemington “failed to grasp the nature of warfare.”
