By Robert McGuiness, Coma News Reporter, Not an Alcoholic
The recent ban on paper products in Coma is just one of many bans enacted over the past six months. Some of the more significant ones are listed below:
April 7- Mugs or cups that depict a graphical representation of love using a heart as opposed to spelling out the word “love”
April 19- Naked salads (salads, including macaroni-style and potato-style lacking appropriate dressing or reasonable sauce of some kind)
May 22- References to “That 70s Show”, “Dude, Where’s My Car?”, Lindsey Lohan movies or other media that glorifies the use of marijuana, alcohol or other mind-altering substances
June 5- Non-dairy whipped topping
June 15- Open containers containing more than five gallons of gasoline may not be set on fire within city limits
June 29- Open sores or wounds of more than 4 cm in length
July 11- Music, spoken-word poetry or miming that deliberately creates “spirit of rebellion” in youth
July 30- Frisbee playing in public places within city limits (“Hippies to the Woods” proclamation)
July 30- Hanky panky (“Hippies to the Woods” proclamation)
July 30- Fun Dip and any candy or food item that utilizes an edible device as a form of silverware (“Hippies to the Woods” proclamation)
August 4- Murder in public places within city limits
August 12- Paper products and items that are comprised of at least 80 percent paper or require paper in their production or require the use of paper in order to function properly
To assist citizens in making good, legal choices, the mayor’s office has issued a helpful cheat sheet for people to use when deciding to undertake an activity. See above.
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