Tag: food

If You Try Really Hard, You Can Make Thanksgiving Memorable

By Coma News Intern Stan Bargmeyer

My favorite Thanksgiving tradition is to create real-to-life edible portraits of family and friends.

When your guests sit down at your Thanksgiving table and see their reflection staring back at them on a plate-  it will be worth the many hours you poured into creating these intimate and sobering caricatures.

Below are directions for you to make your own edible portraits. This can all feel a little overwhelming at first, like shampooing your hair for the first time or listening to songs on the radio. But with a tremendous amount of effort, perseverance and dedication, you too can reap the rewards of creating a most memorable Thanksgiving tradition.


PREPARATION TIME: 17 – 39 hours

  1. You will need sliced bread, ketchup and a photograph of a loved one

Edible Portrait 2

  1. Lay the bread out on a flat, even surface
  2. The bread is basically your “canvas”
  3. The ketchup is basically your “paint”
  4. By studying the photograph, use the ketchup to create an accurate portrait of your loved one
  5. Try your best to capture your loved one’s spirit, essence and soul
  6. Place completed portrait on a plate and set in front of loved one’s assigned seat at the table
  7. You’re done!

Edible Portrait 1

Your guests are likely to pay you lots of compliments like “Hey, why is there a piece of bread with ketchup on it sitting on the table?” and “What the hell is this?” Once you explain to them what it is they are looking at and how many hours you spent getting it just right, they will be flabbergasted and grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Butter Sword Aimed to Revolutionize Dairy Industry

By Coma Historian and News Intern Stan Bargmeyer

In the fall of 1823, Coma farmer and noted inventor Arwel Hemington stood before a group of American military leaders on his farm just outside town to share what he called “the greatest military invention of the last six-to-eight weeks.” Hemington’s invention was nothing new, but the materials used to create it, he thought, would turn the dairy world, and military conflict upside down.

What Hemington shared on that dreary, cold afternoon on his 43-acre farm was a sword thats blade was made entirely from chilled butter.  Upon revealing his latest invention, the assembled group of generals gasped and gaffawed and for a moment seemed completely in awe of Hemington’s innovation.

Hemington's butter sword (above) was a promising econonmic windfall for dairy farmers.

Hemington’s butter sword (above) was a promising econonmic windfall for dairy farmers.

Hemington later wrote to friends “these men of might and brawn appeared to tremble like small school girls at the sight of the sweet-cream, buttery blade. I knew at once I had them in my grasp and before me I foresaw a future in which battlefields would be strewn with bits of the savory, delicate goodness.”

According to United States Department of Defense records, the United States Army ordered nearly two-thousand butter swords on the spot.  Hemington told the group he could produce the weapons at one-half the cost of the standard steel version.

Hemington, who quickly became a hero to dairy farmers throughout the region, delivered the butter swords to Washington DC in person the following spring.  Upon arriving in the nation’s capitol, and much to Hemington’s horror, the swords had been reduced to puddles of melted butter as temperatures soared to the upper 50s.

Ashamed and feeling dishonored, Hemington returned to Coma where he spent his remaining years in a self-imposed exile.  Although he continued to work on a series of inventions, including a suit of armor made entirely from duck feathers and a catapult that shot buckets of luke-warm water at enemies.  Hemington died in 1858.

According to friends, Hemington "failed to grasp the essence of warfare."

According to friends, Hemington “failed to grasp the nature of warfare.”

Shrimp Axe Helps Build Coma


shrimp axe publish

By Stan Bargmeyer, intern, Coma News and local history buff

Used by the first settlers of the Town of Coma, the shrimp axe was a popular tool because of the abundance of shrimp and the overall ineffectiveness of the device.

The unorthodox tool consisted of a jumbo shrimp attached to the end of a large wooden stick.

The tool’s popularity waned over time because many found it impossible to use to cut trees down or split wood.

It wasn’t uncommon for people to eat the shrimp, which made it even less effective in some cases.


Settlers who relied on the shrimp ax to cut trees and logs for building their homes usually lived in caves.

Opinion: Breakfast Not Most Important Meal of Day


By Coma Town Physician, Dr. Jimmy

When it comes to your diet, there’s a lot of information out there on what you should or shouldn’t eat and when to eat it.

Part of my job as a physician is to help people cut through all the clutter.  I recently completed a self-funded study on the popular notion regarding breakfast being the most important meal of the day and want to take some time to share with you my findings.


As it turns out, breakfast is not the most important meal of the day.  In fact, it may not even be in the top five most important meals of the day.  That being said, based on my research, I can say with certainty that breakfast IS in the top ten of most important meals of the day.


My research was conducted over the course of two weeks in February of this year.  I interviewed nearly seven patients and asked them to rank for me their favorite meals.  Additionally, I thought about what meal I thought was not only my favorite, but which one I would least likely not want to miss.  The results were quite shocking.


Based on my research, the most important meals of the day, in order of importance, are as follows:

1. Dinner

2. Snack between breakfast and lunch

3. Lunch

4. Brunch

5. Dessert

6. Second snack between breakfast and lunch

7. Midnight snack

8. Snack as you are preparing dinner (perhaps sampling the meal you are cooking)

9. Breakfast

10. Samples served at grocery stores or Costco

While these results may surprise some, there is no denying the conclusion or the scientific method that was employed to make this discovery.


Breakfast is definitely a top ten meal and you should continue to eat it when you feel like it.  But you should no longer feel as though you are a prisoner to an age-old axiom that has clearly been demonstrated as false.

Happy eating and good health to you always.  As I say to all my patients, “You can live forever if you choose.”



Classified: Used Microwave for Sale- Does Not Work

old microwave for sale portable camping

Selling my used microwave.  It’s pretty old and technically it does not work anymore.  However, if you are only trying to heat something up to room temperature, like corn on the cob, just throw it in this microwave and in a couple of hours, you’ll be good to go.

Would be a great portable, room-temperature microwave for camping trips!  Hurry though cause this is going to be a HOT item! (not literally. Again, the microwave doesn’t actually work)

Contact Derrick.  I prefer cash (NO PERSONAL CHECKS).  Would consider trade.  Make me an offer.


Fast Food Chain Coming to Coma?


foot bucket 1 Publish

According to sources inside the Mayor’s office, Coma may soon be welcoming its first fast food franchise. Based on an insider who wished to remain anonymous, town officials are in the process of finalizing terms on a deal to open a Foot Bucket restaurant within city limits.

“This would obviously be a really big deal for people who not only enjoy eating food, but, more precisely, enjoy eating different styles of animal-hoove food,” the insider said.  “Now, if I get the hankering for sheep foot or cow hoof, I don’t have to drive four hours round trip.  I can just go across town and get as much animal-foot style food I can eat.”

The popular fast food chain started in Mississippi in 1982 and has since opened more than 120 franchises in 28 states.  Known for its family-style meal the Bucket O’ Feet that features a mix of seven different fried animal feet, Foot Bucket has seen as dramatic rise in popularity following its “Itchy Ray” TV commercials.  The whimsical advertisements feature a character named Itchy Ray who robs a series of banks in order to get money to support his Foot Bucket addiction.

foot bucket 2 publish

While no official confirmation has been made, Mayor Anderson did admit that his office will soon be making an announcement about a new restaurant that would be opening in town that specializes in serving a very specific animal body part, although Anderson refused to elaborate.