Tag: fantasy baseball

Fantasy Baseball Team Mounts Dragons this Week

ortiz on dragon 2

 

By Coma News Staff

After a poor start to the season, Coma fantasy baseball manager, Micah Horncraft, announced last night that his all-star lineup would take the field this week atop gold-winged dragons wielding bats crafted from the “finest Cirillian oak from the forest of Eragord.”

“Those who shall dare to pass first base shall suffer the consequences of the old days,” Horncraft said.

Horncraft made the announcement after his team, The Nine Druids of Westhobbin, are in last place two weeks in to the Major League Baseball season.  Horncraft said his team will feature a female warrior named “Ursula the White” and a goblin named “Deadswaug,” who will play shortstop for the fantasy baseball team.

goblin shortstop

Above: Deadswaug, a goblin with a career slugging percentage of .678, according to Horncraft, will play shortstop for Horncraft’s fantasy baseball team this week

Many have questioned the wisdom of inserting fictitious players into a fantasy baseball lineup, however such a move is not unheard of.  Last summer, on his way to a sixth-place finish, Horncraft used a troll named “Hunchmanck” as his starting catcher, saying the 8-foot tall giant would unleash a “scourge on home plate unseen since the days of the Veruvian Wars.”

Horncraft’s opponents said they were not concerned with the announcement.

“I applaud his efforts to put the ‘fantasy’ into fantasy baseball,” avid fantasy baseball player Dr. Jimmy said.  “Considering dragons and goblins aren’t real, don’t play baseball, and don’t generate stats. I don’t see how this could possibly help him win.”

Horncraft was considered benching Los Angeles Angels outfielder Mike Trout in favor of an elvish wizard named “Stoven” but was concerned about the elf’s on-base percentage, which does not exist.

“I’ll track it for another week before making that change,” Horncraft said.  “I hope the dragons will light a fire under everyone’s ass this week.”