Tag: eating

Opinion: If You Can Avoid Eating Bones, Fried Chicken is Pretty Tasty

Stan Bargmeyer's recipe for Mac & Cheese includes preparing Kraft Mac & Cheese by following the directions on the box

 

By Stan Bargmeyer, life-long Coma resident and Coma News Intern

Fried chicken is a pretty good food to eat, especially if you avoid eating the bones.

I just try my best to eat around the bones. If I can manage to do that, I find I actually kind of enjoy eating fried chicken.

I avoided eating the popular food for years following several near-death experiences as a younger man.

It used to be that I would just eat all of the fried chicken and sharp pieces of bone would get stuck in my throat and I’d almost die. It was my fear of dying and dislike for the taste of bones that made me give up fried chicken, entirely.

Recently, my friends encouraged me to give fried chicken another chance and they went to great lengths to explain that the bones were not, in fact, edible. With great reservations, I gave chicken another chance and had encouraging results.

It was a little clumsy at first and I only really nibbled around the edges because I didn’t want to eat the bone. But with some practice, I got the hang of it and decided it was pretty decent, as far as food goes.

My recent success with fried chicken has inspired me to reconsider other foods I stopped eating or never tried because I thought they were dangerous or too exotic or just not the type of food people like me would eat. But now I think I want to try those things. Like pancakes.

 

If You Follow Directions Precisely, Mac & Cheese A Pretty Easy Dinner To Prepare

Stan Bargmeyer's recipe for Mac & Cheese includes preparing Kraft Mac & Cheese by following the directions on the box

Stan Bargmeyer’s recipe for Mac & Cheese includes preparing Kraft Mac & Cheese by following the directions on the box

According to Coma resident Stan Bargmeyer, if you follow the directions on the box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese precisely, it’s a fairly easy dinner to prepare.

“I just read over the directions and then I make some notes and then I follow them exactly as they are laid out,” Bargmeyer said.  “I usually have to refer to my notes a few times while preparing the dish, but it works.”

Bargmeyer said he originally tried making the dish last year but gave up after several attempts without even looking at the instructions, which are printed clearly on the box.

“The first time I only boiled the pasta for about a minute, maybe two,” Bargmeyer admitted.  “It was crunchy and I thought maybe I just got a bad batch of macaroni.”

On his next attempt to prepare the popular boxed dinner, Bargmeyer forgot to add the cheese sauce.

“It tasted pretty bland,” the retired bus driver said.  “I was ready to give up.”

After talking to some friends, Bargmeyer realized there was a set of instructions on the box that provided specific, helpful and easy-to-follow instructions.

“Once I started following the directions, I realized it was a pretty simple dish to prepare and it tastes pretty good too,” Bargmeyer beamed.

Bargmeyer said he looks forward to trying even more complicated recipes soon, including a can of Nalley’s chili that has been in his cupboard for almost two years.

“I look at that can almost every day but have put it off cause I’m not exactly a culinary expert,” Bargmeyer said.  “My confidence is growing though.”

Man Accidentally Eats Comb

thomas steven john 2

By Coma News Staff

 

T.S. John, who set a personal record for getting ready for a night out on the town in November, recently reported that he accidentally ate an entire comb.

In his never ending quest to maximize his preparation processes, John said that while getting ready to go the movies with his girlfriend, Carol Tate, he accidentally mixed up a chicken wing with the comb and before he knew it, he had ingested the entire piece of plastic.

“I messed up,” an embarrassed John admitted. “I was going so fast and somehow got my hands mixed up and started combing my hair with a chicken wing and eating a comb.  When you try to do something no other human being has ever attempted, stuff like that is going to happen.”

John said the digested comb was a Vidal Sassoon 5-inch pocket comb that he recently purchased from a local drug store.

“It was a sweet little 113 millimeter fine-tooth comb and it went down pretty smooth,” the 25-year old said. “I mean, hey, at least it wasn’t a brush or a blow dryer or something. It was a pocket comb. It could happen to anybody.”

John was attempting to get ready in record time for his night out on the town. According to his girlfriend, John has been obsessed with the pursuit for the past several months.

“I guess you could say he is pushing the envelope when it comes to getting prepared to leave your house for a casual night out with friends,” Tate said of her boyfriend of nearly two years. “That’s what he’s always saying anyway. I guess it’s good that he has some ambition though, isn’t it?”

John said he is currently doing things in the personal preparation realm that only decades ago would have been thought to be impossible. As part of what John calls his “Sub-Ready” objective, he said his ultimate goal is to be ready for any social gathering or mixer before he even knows he will be attending such an event.

“It’s kind of like I’m traveling back in time,” John said. “My hope is that one day Carol will say, ‘let’s go to dinner’ and I will be so fast at getting ready that I will just say, ‘alright, let’s go’, because I’m already ready already.”

Although John acknowledged he had yet to pass the comb through his digestive system, he is not discouraged by the latest set-back.