Tag: dog

Controversial ‘Talk-Surgery’ Declared a Success

stan and his dog

By Coma News Staff

The first successful use of “talk-surgery” was recently reported in Coma.

The controversial phone-based eye surgery was a “resounding success” for Freckles, the pet of Stan Bargmeyer, Coma resident and widower. The procedure, which Bargmeyer learned about through an unsolicited email from a Kenyan stranger, cost nearly $6,000. But it was money well spent.

“You can’t put a price tag on something like x-ray vision,” Bargmeyer said.

Dr. Leonard Lee, who performed the procedure, wrote only pets could obtain x-ray vision from it.

“I didn’t even have to leave my house and there was no anesthesia involved,” Bargmeyer said. “I wired Dr. Lee the $6,000 and scheduled the over-the-phone procedure at my convenience.  Simplest thing ever.”

The procedure, which entailed holding the phone to Freckles’ ear and eye, took less than 40 minutes and appeared not to harm him, Bargmeyer said. The patient spent most of the procedure licking his crotch.

“There’s no noticeable difference in his demeanor or behavior but he seems happier,” Bargmeyer said. “How could he not be, with x-ray vision?”

Efforts to contact Lee elicited an aggresive viral spam attack.

For Sale: Used Corgi

Classified Ad Corgi

Selling my 2012 Corgi (it’s a dog). Nothing wrong with him except I was told he was a really smart dog and that is total bullshit! He can’t even do simple math problems and does not speak any language that is useful for practical applications. This is NOT a smart dog.  He licks his own ass and cannot follow simple commands like “turn off the lights in the living room when you come to bed.”

I have been told by many he is cute and cuddly. If that’s your thing, this may be the dog for you.

Contact Jax Used Cars if you’re interested.

townofcoma@hotmail.com

Free Puppy to the Right Home

classified chihuahua

I am giving away my Chihuahua puppy to the right home.  He has all his shots but he’s an asshole.  I can’t prove it but I think he shit in a pair of my shoes last week.  I know it wasn’t me and am pretty certain it wasn’t my girlfriend.  Unless my goldfish can climb out of their fish bowls and leave turds ten times larger than their bodies, the puppy is the most likely culprit (he refuses to admit to it).

Anyhow, it’s kind of an asshole thing to do to shit in somebody’s shoe so I don’t think he is the dog for me.  Note to potential owner: this dog seems to be judging me when I’m doing the love-making with my girlfriend (like he could do any better!).

Contact Roger if you’re interested.

townofcoma@hotmail.com