Tag: budget

Mayor Forgets Where He Put Copy of Budget

The town of Coma’s planned budget review was derailed last night when Coma mayor Dave Anderson admitted to council members he had misplaced copies of the proposed annual budget.

Claiming he may have accidentally used it to sketch pictures of futuristic car designs during a recent meeting,  Anderson stopped short of offering a full-blown apology and suggested the budget review continue based on “odds and ends” he remembered from the nearly 400-page document.

“I like to sketch flying cars,” the mayor told the council during the three-hour meeting.  “If that makes me a bad person, then…I guess I’m a bad person.”

While several council members grilled the mayor repeatedly about the incident, Anderson deflected the criticism and focused instead on his conceptual drawings.

“I’m doing designs that are probably 20 to 30 years ahead of their time,” Anderson told a confused-looking council.  “I’m conceptualizing four-door sedans that can fly.  Nobody else is doing sketches like that. Last week I sketched a flying 1998 Kia Concord! People don’t have the balls to sketch the types of flying cars I do.  And all you guys care about is where the stupid budget went? Priorities much?”

09-08-16-car-sketch

ABOVE: Mayor Anderson’s conceptual drawing of 1998 Kia Concord

One council member, who wished to remain anonymous, expressed immense frustration at the irresponsible behavior of the town’s elected leader.  “He is betraying his fiduciary responsibilities in favor of child-like musings and poorly-crafted aircraft designs,” the council member said. “From strictly an engineering standpoint, most of those craft could not safely take flight or stay air-born for very long.  Maybe 20 seconds.  Maybe.”

Anderson told council members he recalled “pieces” from the proposed budget, including “a few hundo” for small equipment purchases by the parks department.  Ultimately, the budget review was postponed until next week to give Anderson time to find the budget.

“It’s probably buried somewhere in my ‘dream locker’, which is where I keep my sketches and drawings and predictions about stuff,” Anderson said.

 

 

Council: OK to Keep Old Bling

Rosie and Jason make waves

By Coma News Staff

City officials announced last night that due to recent budget cuts, Coma’s annual “Gifts from the Town of Coma” summer festival has been cancelled.  The popular event, which takes place on the third weekend in July, was deemed too expensive by town leaders.

“We all love what ‘Gifts from Coma” means to our community,” Mayor Dave Anderson said.  “But at some point, we must exercise fiscal responsibility.”

Gifts of Coma Festival started in 1982 as a way to win public support for increased taxes when town leaders showered the community with luxurious gifts and parades.  The event proved so popular it eventually became the town’s official summer festival.

“This is not going to be a popular decision,” council member Bob Smith-Smith said about the decision.  “But we were sitting around looking at how we could reduce the budget and realized the Gifts of Coma festival accounted for nearly two-thirds of our annual operating budget.”

Smith-Smith said citizens would not be expected to return gifts from previous years, including jet skis, Land Rovers or personalized gold-finished Grillz.  “We’re not heartless,” Smith-Smith said.

Mayor Anderson said special hearings were being scheduled for next week as city leaders must scramble to find an affordable replacement theme for this year’s event.  Themes reportedly under consideration are:

– Perusin’ Magazine Days

– Hand Clappin’ Festival!

– Let’s-All-Bring-Sandwiches-and-Water-to-the-Park-and-Tell-Funny-Stories-Because-That-Doesn’t-Cost-the-City-Any-Money-at-All Festival

Round Up in Bed Days!