Sun Protection Banned for Safety

By Coma News Daily Staff
What is the only force more reliable then the burning rays of a hot June day? That would be the banning power of the Coma Town Council.
The council passed emergency legislation to address the newly identified crisis of sub-par sun protection by banning all sun glasses and sun screen sales in Coma.
The latest bans stemmed from the American Medical Association’s recent votes to highlight the national health crisis of poorly performing sun block and sunglasses.

“In a world of spreading SARS, Ebola, bird flu, dengue fever, and bicycling, it’s a relief that our medical leaders are there to help us cut through the clutter and identify the most dire health threats,” Mayor Dave Anderson said before the council’s vote.
The council’s ban included $50 in subsidies to help Coma residents stock up on more reliable sun protection, such as parasols, floppy garden hats and flowing robes.
The availability of subsidies for homeopathic sun protection–including wall plaster and swarms of bees–will be considered on a case-by-case basis, according to Councilwoman Natalie Peters.
“This is a health crisis, people,” Peters yelled at the three members of the public present for Monday night’s vote.

12 pack coors light

Coors Light Liquid Nitrogen is just one of the many beverages served at the ‘JaxFest’ on Lake Coma.

Council Member Jax Owen, creator of the ‘Hug Club’, missed the vote because he was finalizing preparations for this weekend’s Jaxfest, an annual celebration of sunbathing, swimming, tanning, drinking, sun-worshipping, music and basking at Lake Coma.
Reached for comment by phone, Jax said “It’s gonna be hot–rock hot!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>