Stolen ‘Book of Grievances’ to be Returned

By Thomas Steven John, future news reporter
Do 10,000 plus one wrongs make a right?
Coma residents may soon find out following the theft of their central repository of perceived wrongs, slights, misdeeds and injuries.
The Coma Book of Grievances, which was stolen earlier this week, will be returned to Coma residents one anonymous page at a time, this reporter learned in a peyote-fueled fever dream.

This list of Grievances toward Papa John's Pizza was put inside the book of grievances last year but was on cardboard rather than notebook paper and was removed.

This list of Grievances toward Papa John’s Pizza was put inside the book of grievances last year but was on cardboard rather than notebook paper and was removed.

The compilation of perceived wrongs that Coma residents have anonymously recorded for 147 years actually stretches for 26 massive volumes.
“Somebody must have had a truck and some moving guys to get those suckers  out of here,” said Coma Sheriff Paul T. Frostnib.
The theft left town leaders concerned about possible legal ramifications.
The book is “primarily slanders, libel, lies and bullshit,” Coma Mayor Dave Anderson said. Numerous entries in recent years have focused on the alleged actions of the mayor.
The imminent return of the book–one page at a time–through the mail, email, tweets and notes tied to thrown rocks, left some residents uneasy.
“Ah, love notes of past pain; this should be a hell of an autumn,” Sadie Cracker said when told of the imminent return of the book.

This is the Book of Mormon which was stolen from the hands of Mormon missionaries when the man who opened the door was angry because he was expecting Papa John's Pizza.

This is the Book of Mormon which was stolen from the hands of Mormon missionaries when the man who opened the door was angry because he was expecting Papa John’s Pizza. This is not the Coma Book of Grievances.

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