The following is an excerpt of a blog by a local resident and business woman reproduced as a community service of Coma News Daily.
Daddy Warbucks: How’s the job search coming Marybell?
Me: I don’t need a job now daddy, I have one reading the news for free for Coma News Daily.
Daddy Warbucks: $200, 000 on a Psych degree, Marybell.
Me: Not now Daddy I need to solve the mystery of how to be the best private dick by watching a lot of True Detective trailers on HBO
Long before he became a bad guy on True Detective, Vince Vaughn brought us the movie Wedding Crashers. I never saw that movie because it was old peopleand gross. But I did have a boyfriend who liked to call me a stage five clinger when I happened to show up at his car dealership or behind his couch or at a poker game with his friends. Look, I just happened to be in those places in a cute outfit and it was not my fault.
The point is whoever this Vince Vaughn character is I’m glad he’s moved on to playing real characters like a villan who is with older ugly chicks instead of an old guy who clings to younger girls.
I watched Magnum PI on Netflix but that was so 80s and so hairy gross.
So I tuned to True Detective for inspiration and here’s what I learned:
1) have a complicated relationship with my Daddy. Okay, got that, he wants me to get a job and doesn’t understand I already have one solving mysteries.
2) Have a drinking problem. Easy! I like beer except that it makes me fat (gross). But that’s kind of good though because now I’m complicated. I drink and don’t want to be fat.
3) Smoke a lot of cigarettes. This is gross to me but I am willing to just hold a burning cigarette in my hand.
4) Have questionable relationships with questionable characters who are into bondage. This part is difficult. I saw 50 Shades of gray and this would really depend on the right guy with the right personality (a lot of money).
So here’s to True Detection of Coma’s mysteries, staying clear of old men, like the guys in Wedding Crashers, and not giving up hope. That last one was actually a shoutout to my friend Hope. Hiyyee.
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